Cacophonic Symphony

The Newest Low for American Airlines

2011-04-09T09:56:00.004-04:00

A few weeks ago, I flew American Airlines (AA) to Chicago to attend a conference. I happen to be an AAdvantage frequent flyer member, for what that is worth, but ran smack into the latest AA ploy to rid its customers of their sanity (and cash, of course). Here's how it went down:

Almost as soon as I received the e-mail from AA, I checked in online for the flight to Chicago. Nearly 24 hours before take-off. And no bags to check in, either. I was assigned boarding group 6. Six! That's got to be the last one, or thereabouts! I was obviously among the first few to check in for the flight, but was being made to board last! Anyway, what choice did I have? I printed out the boarding card and stuffed it into my pocket, hurriedly stifling the choice words rising up my throat.

When I got to the gate, the flight was already delayed by more than an hour. They had my phone number on file, yet decided not to inform me of the delay. So I burned some big cash in the name of food, after having skipped the perfectly good lunch that would have been ready at home. By the time they got around to boarding group 6, there were only about ten of us left. I was dreading the task of locating overhead space for my small cabin bag. Luckily, I found space right above my seat. Thanking my guardian angel, I twisted my long legs into something like a pretzel and settled down to a ridiculously cramped flight.

The group assignment is clearly a random process, right? I am sure it was just my luck of the draw that got me such a bad group. The return leg would be better.

Right?

Wrong.

First, I find it annoying that airlines send you on-line check-in reminders for the onward journey but rarely for the return journey. I still fished out my AAdvantage number, tried a few passwords before locating the right one, logged into AA.com and finished the process several hours before my flight. Group..... Five!

Lucky me! At least, it was not a six again!

The hotel's business center had such a hard time printing the boarding card that I decided to finish this step at the airport. The automatic kiosk was prompt to suggest that I could board in group 1. For $9.

I was already drained from the conference, and not wanting to deal with the Great Amazing Luggage Space Race, I coughed up the $9.

Imagine my surprise when they announced group 1 for boarding, and a sum total of TWO people stepped up! Obviously, AA has decided to assign everyone to a high group number, to then see how many $9's they can scrounge out.

Incredible!

AA had the gall to send me a customer satisfaction survey this week. I just sent them my feedback, though it was frustrating that I was limited to a measly 500 characters. I am sure I will henceforth avoid AA like the plague.

Shattered reputations

2011-02-27T09:12:00.002-05:00

A few months ago, I chanced upon an ironic image in the kitchenware section of the local Walmart. I was hunting for airtight storage containers, and found one that was allegedly shatterproof. This claim was shouted out from the side of the container in bold lettering. Unfortunately, the said container was totally shattered right about there. Take a look at a picture snapped with my cellphone camera. I guess 'shatterproof' now means 'proof that it shatters'!

Bush raises a stink

2008-07-17T23:01:00.002-04:00

The following short article appeared today on CNN.com. I think it needs no further explanations or commentary!

SAN FRANCISCO, California (AP) -- A measure seeking to commemorate President Bush's years in office by slapping his name on a San Francisco sewage plant has qualified for the November ballot.

The measure certified Thursday would rename the Oceanside Water Pollution Control Plant the George W. Bush Sewage Plant.

Supporters say the idea is to commemorate the mess they claim Bush has left behind by actions such as the war in Iraq.

Local Republicans say the plan stinks and they will oppose it.

Do as you're tolled

2008-07-13T03:17:00.002-04:00

[From The Dallas Morning News, www.dallasnews.com]

Ben Westhoff: My topsy-turvy tangle with Texas toll roads

12:00 AM CDT on Sunday, July 6, 2008

I visited Dallas, on business, for the first time in March. I enjoyed the local sights, shuttling around the northern suburbs and coming into the city for delicious Tex-Mex and an excellent rock show. The weather was great; everyone was kind.

But one aspect of my Texas odyssey left a bad taste in my mouth. Upon returning home to Hoboken, N.J., I received a notice in the mail from a Montana-based collection agency called Violation Management Services. It indicated that I had been billed for four 60-cent tolls in Texas , plus a $5 service fee for each. These $22.40 worth of charges had already been conveniently – make that inconveniently – charged to my credit card.

I had no idea what this was about. Though I remembered handing over dollars to some toll attendants, I certainly didn't recall driving through any tolls without paying.

Upon investigation, however, I realized this was exactly what I had done. It turns out that I couldn't have paid even if I'd wanted to. And the same confusing system ensnares other visitors all the time.

Let's back up a little. Upon arriving at Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport, I endured a long shuttle ride to the airport's rental car center. After getting over the fact that I was going to have to pay a huge percentage of my Advantage Rent A Car bill in taxes and fees (including a 15 percent sales tax, an 11.11 percent airport fee, a $2.50-per-day licensing fee, a $4-per-day airport concession fee and a 77-cents-per-day transportation fee) I quickly scanned my rental agreement and signed it.

What I apparently glossed over – and what other Dallas renters miss all the time – is a clause permitting the rental car company to turn over the collection of any unpaid tolls to a third-party agency. Why would I have paid the clause any mind? I'm not the type to break any traffic laws, much less bust through tolls like this was an episode of Dukes of Hazzard.

Little did I know that along State Highway 121, physical tolls have been replaced by electronic tolls. Instead of humans or machines collecting change, cameras snap pictures of your license plate, and you aren't given the option of stopping to pay.

It works like this: If you have a TxTag, Toll Tag or EZ Tag, the charge is deducted from your account. If you don't, a bill is sent to the address corresponding with the vehicle's license plate number. That means that if you're driving your own car, the fee (plus a surcharge) is sent to you at home. (If your kid is driving your car, it still gets sent to you at home, but that's another matter.)

But if you're driving a rental car, the bill is sent to the rental car company. Then – in the case of Advantage and at least a few others – the rental car company passes it along to a third-party collection agency, which adds a service charge and bills you. I had to pay $5 per "infraction," but some companies hit you a lot harder; renters with Thrifty and Dollar are charged $25 each.

I called Violation Management Services, Advantage's collection agency, to complain. The agent said that although plenty of others like me have made similar complaints, we have no recourse.

But I should look on the bright side, she said; until last fall, the company charged $40 for each infraction of this type. Only after being besieged with complaints did they lower their fee to $5. Why? "Because it's not fair to you to have to pay $40 for something you don't have any control over," she explained.

But $5 is fair?

The agent next referred me to TxTag, the company that handled the Highway 121 tollway when I visited. (As of April 4, responsibility was handed over to the North Texas Tollway Authority.)

She explained that, yes, other people had the same complaint. But she implied that we were all a bunch of whiny complainers, since there are clearly marked signs on 121 explaining that the road is a tollway.

But there's no indication that 121 is a special kind of toll road. It's beyond me how a non-local can be expected to know the difference between (A) toll roads where you can pay with change and (B) toll roads that send you a bill in the mail. (Though more common in other countries, electronic tolls that employ video cameras are still quite rare in the U.S.)

Sure, if I'd seen a sign saying, "Renters, get the heck off the road now, or you're going to get stuck with surcharges!" I would have exited immediately and hoped my GPS could come up with an alternate route. But as far as I could tell, Highway 121 drivers aren't given any explanation of what's going on until they get to the toll itself, at which time they're informed that they can use a tag or else "Pay By Mail."

This is where it begins to seem like a cruel hoax. Pay by mail? Huh? Where does one get the envelope?

I next asked the TxTag operator what course of action she would have suggested for me. Avoiding the road altogether? "Pretty much," she said. "In the case of 121, that's what we would recommend. Otherwise, there will be extra charges, and there will be extra fees."

An NTTA representative was more sympathetic. "If I was from another state, I might not [understand] something like that either," he said, suggesting that the next time I'm in town I use service roads instead of Highway 121.

Perhaps Advantage would have more helpful advice, given the number of renters they send out on the streets of North Texas every day?

But no. An agent said that the next time I was in town, I had another option. She gave me an 800 number to call shortly after going through an electronic toll, and the charge would be excused. (They even have a sign saying as much on the premises.)

But that number is for TxTag, which no longer administers the road. And an operator with the new administrator, NTTA, said she had no idea what the Advantage agent was talking about; they would not, in fact, excuse these charges.

This is a relatively small problem now; only Highway 121 and one Dallas North Tollway exit use the electronic tolls. But soon all NTTA tolls in the area will be electronic. Starting in August, the remaining cash booths will be ripped out.

No doubt, many drivers will find this more convenient. But, as the system is configured now, it is a potential nightmare for visitors. It's easy to image folks returning home with three- and four-figure surcharges "conveniently" added to their credit cards.

Aggravation for renters is not the only problem with electronic tolls. Economic studies – including one conducted by M.I.T. recently reported on in Scientific American – also show that toll prices rise more quickly when drivers aren't physically dispensing money.

But despite these problems, I do not advocate eliminating camera-aided tolls. They have a couple of important advantages. By making traffic flow faster, they are more convenient and gentler on the environment than old-fashioned tolls; long lines of idling cars burn more gas and produce more exhaust.

I do suggest, however, that y'all work a little harder to make life easier on out-of-town guests. One suggestion would be to maintain a single toll lane for renters or folks who want to pay with cash. Short of that:

• Rental car companies could charge the tolls directly to the renter's credit card themselves – without employing a collection agency, and without adding a surcharge. In fact, The Dallas Morning News just reported that Advantage is thinking of severing ties with Violation Management Services and trying a method in which renters pay $5 a day or so to cover their tolls.

• Renters could be given the opportunity to rent a tag apparatus from the rental car company.

• At the very least, renters should be made aware upon signing their agreements that they may encounter tolls they won't be able to pay. They should be told exactly where those tolls are and informed of alternate routes.

Every municipality has its quirks. Here's hoping that this one can be fixed, which would permit people like me to enjoy their time here even more. I'm sure Dallas residents would rather visitors remember their trip for the Tex-Mex and rock shows rather than the toll violations.

Ben Westhoff is a freelance writer; his e-mail address is ben.westhoff@ gmail.com.

Storming the brain with nonsense

2008-06-22T06:50:00.002-04:00

Management consultants and government committes have always been about the buzzwords. However, they have been out of control for a while now. When we see the reports and PowerPoint presentations at their meetings, we technical folks come away with a feeling of emptiness. Now, we know that there are enough people out there who have become fed up enough with all the mindless jargon:

[From CNN.com]

Speak the King's English, please, no more buzzwords

LONDON, England (AP) -- British bureaucrats have been warned: no more synergies, stakeholders or sustainable communities.

The body that represents the country's local authorities has told its members to stop using management buzzwords, saying they confuse people and prevent residents from understanding what local governments do.

The Local Government Association, whose members include hundreds of district, town and county councils in England and Wales, on Friday sent out a list of 100 "non-words" that it said officials should avoid if they want to be understood.

The list includes the popular but vague term "empowerment;" "coterminosity," a situation in which two organizations oversee the same geographical area; and "synergies," combinations in which the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

Officials were told to ditch the term "revenue stream" for income, as well as the imprecise "sustainable communities." The association also said councils should stop referring to local residents as "customers" or "stakeholders."

The association's chairman, Simon Milton, said officials should not "hide behind impenetrable jargon and phrases."

"Why do we have to have 'coterminous, stakeholder engagement' when we could just 'talk to people' instead?" he said.

The association sent its letter after reports that one town council had told staff to use the term "thought showers" instead of "brainstorming."

Officials at Tunbridge Wells council in southern England felt brainstorming might offend people with epilepsy, a condition that involves periodic electrical storms inside the brain.

However, the National Society for Epilepsy said it had surveyed its members and they did not find the term offensive.

"Brainstorming" is not on the Local Government Association's list.

Innocent by way of... Sudoku!

2008-06-11T05:42:00.004-04:00

From CNN.com:

Sudoku-playing jurors halt $950,000 trial

SYDNEY, Australia (AP) -- An Australian judge has aborted a drug trial after discovering that some of the jurors were playing the puzzle game Sudoku while evidence was being given.

The $950,000 drugs trial was aborted after the judge discovered that jurors had been playing Sudoku.

Sydney District Court Judge Peter Zahra ended the trial Tuesday for two men facing drugs conspiracy charges. The trial had been running for 66 days and had cost taxpayers an estimated US $950,000.

The judge was alerted after it was observed the jurors were writing vertically, rather than horizontally. It had been assumed they were taking notes.

The jury foreperson admitted to the judge that four to five jurors were playing puzzle games for up to half the time the trial had been going.

A new trial is expected to begin in a few weeks.

Taking the scenic route

2008-03-22T07:29:00.002-04:00

I am not sure if the following report is true, but it does make for funny press. Also, if you cannot afford the Opera, just drive through some heavy traffic!!

Romanian Policemen Take Ballet Lessons

Balkan Travellers

27 February 2008

Next time you’re stuck in a Timişoara traffic jam and looking for a diversion to pass the time, just look out your window at the policeman directing the traffic. And don’t be surprised if you find certain elements of his moves reminiscent of a Swan Lake performance: instead of rigidly standing, arms outstretched, the policeman may signal you to go by standing in the arabesque pose, with one leg stretched straight out to the back and one arm extended out to the front.

This is because, as reported by international media, traffic policemen in the western Romanian city of Timişoara are taking regular ballet lessons to make them more elegant and graceful when directing traffic. Around two dozen members of the city’s community police are attending classes under two former dancers of the city’s Opera Ballet.

"The aim is to develop an ability to regulate traffic and achieve elegance in their movements, which will not only be agreeable to the eyes but could also help drivers waiting at a red light get rid of their stress or sadness," head of community police in the town of Timişoara, Dorel Cojan, told international media.

The initiative, which will at first consist of two classes per week for a month, is directed only at community policemen, who are responsible mainly for road safety and sometimes regulate traffic manually.

In the meantime, if you won’t be going through Timişoara anytime soon, but want to witness some graceful male ballet moves, we recommend renting the recorded version of the controversial Swan Lake performance, choreographed by Matthew Bourne, where the swans’ parts are danced by men.

Meat my son

2008-03-22T07:01:00.002-04:00

How much would you pay for free stuff? If you are a shop-lifter, the answer is probably... not much. After all, why steal if you have to pay anyway? It sort of violates the very basic definition of "free".

Unless you absolutely must have that 40-inch plasma television set at all (or no!) cost.

Or that enticing packet of meat!! One shop-lifter in the Netherlands decided to renounce his own son for a measly packet of food. I guess the drugs are so easy to get, that thieves must aim higher for the challenge of it all. Read on (courtesy of Reuters)! As the economists like to say, there is nothing called a free lunch.

Fleeing shoplifter forgets son

AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - A shoplifter looking to make a quick getaway from a Dutch supermarket after stealing a packet of meat left police a crucial piece of evidence -- his 12-year-old son.

In his haste the 45-year-old thief made a solo dash to his car, batting away a supermarket worker who had flung himself on the vehicles' bonnet in a bid to stop the escape.

Police in the southern Dutch town of Kerkrade said they managed to contact the thief via the boy, but he had refused to return and collect his son. The man told officers to get hold of the youngster's mother instead.

The thief later turned himself in Thursday, a police spokeswoman said.

Thou shalt hire this cheater!

2008-03-22T06:34:00.005-04:00

In the world of American professional sport, it is easy to assume that the teams, which are essentially privately owned for-profit companies, are run and managed with an iron fist. Well, at least as many metallic fists as there are teams. If the board wants to acquire a player badly enough, it will find the financial muscle to get him.

By the same token, if they do not wish to have a particular player on their team, for whatever reason(s), they must surely have the power to refrain from making him an offer.

So I was thoroughly taken aback when I read that the players' union for Major League Baseball is considering slamming various teams for collusion... to keep Barry Bonds out of their roster this year! Read all about it here in this article in the New York Times dated 19 March, 2008. Imagine, here is a self-admitted steroid user who now holds the home run "record". The quotation marks say it all. He holds the record on paper, but it will forever be tainted by his use of performance enhancing drugs. The drug problem is so deep today that it is almost no fun following the game anymore.

Why should players be entitled to astronomical salaries, if there is no market demand for them? Is MLB a communist entity that must ensure that all players, good and bad, cheaters and fighters, must get paid a few million a year to sustain their high-brow lifestyles?

Worse, these cheaters are being shielded and defended by their union! Does anybody know why there should be negotiations for drug testing? When was the last time the International Olympic Committee negotiated to reduce or remove a ban on a player caught using drugs? Still, the American definition of sport involves a lot of marketing jargon, and has nothing to do with ethics or fair play. Give what the crowds want to see. The ball flying out of the ballpark. If the players must inject themselves once in a while, so be it.

The players' union has some guts even to consider the collusion theory, let alone air it in public. In my view, this only strengthens the perception that Bonds is a cheat. I hail the teams that are keeping from making him a gigantic dollar offer. What the sport desperately needs is many more such decisions that will hopefully serve as a deterrent to druggies.

Goodbye, Clarke!

2008-03-20T06:38:00.002-04:00

A sad day for the fan of classical science fiction literature. Arthur C. Clarke has passed away. Just a few years ago, I was eating his books for breakfast, lunch and dinner. He, together with Isaac Asimov, remain my favorite authors for sheer imagination and articulation.

While he may be most well-known for his book 2001: A Space Odyssey, I will always remember Clarke's series that bears my name.

Selected works of Arthur C. Clarke

"Prelude to Space" (1951): His first published novel was written in three weeks during the summer of 1947.

"The Sentinel," a short story published in 1951, is among his best-known works. It is about man's contact with sentient life.

"The Deep Range" (1957): With his friend Mike Wilson he filmed the Great Barrier Reef of Australia, from which this novel is derived.

"A Fall of Moondust" (1961): The tale of a marooned moon schooner.

"Dolphin Island" (1963): After being briefly paralyzed by a head injury, Clarke wrote this novel as a farewell to the sea.

"The Treasure of the Great Reef" (1964): A recovered Clarke went on an underwater adventure off Sri Lanka, then wrote this book.

"2001: A Space Odyssey (1968): In the spring of 1964, Clarke started to write a novel about space travel that became the basis for the film. He continued the saga in three sequels, "2010: Odyssey Two" (1982), "2061: Odyssey Three" (1988), and "3001: The Final Odyssey" (1996).

"Rendezvous with Rama" (1973): A research team is sent to investigate a cylindrical object hurtling through the solar system.

"The Hammer of God" (1993): Story of an asteroid hurtling toward Earth anticipated such films as "Deep Impact" (1998) and "Armageddon" (1998).

Source: www.kirjasto.sci.fi/aclarke.htm

Pluck my crwth!

2008-03-20T06:35:00.002-04:00

Here is the latest weird word I came across, delivered right to my mailbox by Merriam-Webster's word-of-the-day service:

crwth \KROOTH (rhymes with “booth”)\ noun

: an ancient Celtic stringed instrument that is plucked or bowed

Example sentence: “He intricately rhymes, to the music of crwth and pibgorn, all night long.” (Dylan Thomas, Under Milk Wood)

“Crwth” is the Welsh name for an ancient Celtic instrument that is similar to a violin. In Middle English, the instrument’s name was spelled “crouth” before metamorphosing to “crowd,” a word still used in some dialects of England to refer to a violin. The Welsh word can also refer to a swelling or bulging body, and we can speculate that it came to be used for the instrument because of the violin’s bulging shape. Other Celtic words for “violin” also have meanings referring to rounded appearances. In Gaelic, for example, “cruit” can mean “harp” or “violin” as well as “hump” or “hunch.” As a final note, we would like to mention (in case you were wondering) that a pibgorn is an ancient wind instrument similar to the hornpipe; its name comes from the Welsh word “pib,” meaning “pipe,” and “corn,” meaning “horn.

A scam with a Middle Eastern twist

2007-12-23T08:50:00.000-05:00

Usually, it is the widow of a late dictator from Nigeria or Togo. The poor woman is so hard-pressed to buy food, that she has to desperately find somebody (i.e. you) to help her siphon ill-gotten millions out of the country.

Yesterday, such a scam attempt arrived in my mailbox. This time, though, there was no desperate wife. Just a dying soldier who wanted salvation for his soul.

Read on and enjoy.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hello Buddy,

I hope my email meets you well. My name is Sgt .James Clayton jr. I am in the Engineering military unit here in Baghdad in Iraq , with Oesophageal cancer which has defiled all forms of medical treatment,and right now I have only about a few weeks/month to live, according to medical experts. My late 2 colleagues who died last week in a bomb blast and I found a huge sum of $6.500,000 Million USD in Baghdad neighbourhood (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/2988455.stm) that we have successfully moved out of the country to INDIA via a diplomat .

I am contacting you because i want you to help with claiming of this Consignment and help me distribute them to charity organizations and homeless people.

I feel distributing the funds would be a way to appease the LORD and also want God to be merciful to me and my late friends and also accept our souls,because we have killed so many in the war, but we where only serving our country.

I have decided to give this sum 0f $6.500,000 Million USD to charity organizations, as I want this to be one of the last good deeds I do on earth.

I will want you to help me collect this consignment and dispatched it to charity organizations like i have said earlier.

I have set aside 30% for you and your time, 20% should be use by you to settle any expenses that you might have incured in the cause of your making the claims for this consignment.

The most important thing is that can I TRUST you Once the funds get to you?, and also would you distribute the rest 50% to charity organizations, Your own part of this deal is to contact the DIPLOMAT on how the consignment can be released and sent down to your home address and also find a safe place where the funds can be kept.

If you are interested I will furnish you with more details.

But the whole process is simple and we must keep a low profile at all times because if the authorities are aware of this funds, it would be seized and used for purchasing ammunitions and irrelevant accessories,whereby we have so many sick, homeless kids dying with hunger.

I am awaiting your urgent response on my private email address: james@sergentclayton.dom-reg.com

IN GOD WE TRUST!!!!

Regards.

SGT .JAMES CLAYTON

The ultimate blizzard

2007-12-22T11:38:00.000-05:00

This is my ninth winter in Boston. I should consider myself a seasoned veteran of the cold, snowy months of December to February. I even drove a car to work through the last winter, and thought I had seen just about everything that a New England winter could throw at me.

Boy, was I wrong! Rewind to Thursday, the 13th of December, 2007. Actually, the events are so clear in my mind that I do not even need to rewind.

The forecast had heavy snow from the early evening, late into the night. But so what? The state had seen such snowfall before. They would be prepared. The snow plows would be out in readiness with their salt and sand. All should be well. A bit inconvenient, for sure, but not a big deal.

I set out at 1:45 PM to drop a couple of people off some 10 miles away. No back roads. Just Route 9 all the way, a major arterial. The snow was falling hard; One to two inches an hour, they said. Fine. We were moving along at 20 mph or thereabouts. I got to the destination in an hour and a half.

Annoying, but expected.

Then, I turned the car around. And got back home past 8:30 at night! A mind-numbing 2 mph speed average over a distance of just 20 miles in total! We sat on the road, 20 to 30 minutes at a time without an inch of movement. Two lanes of gridlock, apparently extending a whopping 40-odd miles all the way into the city of Boston.

I shoveled snow off the car at least 5 times during this ordeal, sitting on the "fast" lane of Route 9 all along. I bantered with fellow gridlockers. I cleaned the wiper blades of ice. I listened to the radio. I called friends and family.

And I checked the state of my fuel tank.

The level was dropping visibly, but I was not concerned yet. My cell phone on the other hand, was discharging quickly! Down to the last two bars of power. What would I do if it ran out completely?

I used the phone less. I started killing the engine too. I heard that people were indeed running out of gas and getting stranded in the middle of this serpentine parking lot. Help wouldn't get to them for hours! And we were all stuck behind them.

I cannot believe the state's incompetence. They have seen such snow before. It was also expected, and not out of the blue. Yet, they could not keep one lane moving even at 5 mph! Instead of preparing to plow and salt the streets first, the government asked all employees to head home immediately at about 2:00 PM. The 5:00 PM rush hour was thus advanced to 2:00 PM, and the roads were in no shape to handle it.

The next day, Governor Deval Patrick announced faith in his government's response, and blamed the mess on people who did not leave their workplaces until well after 5:00! We can only imagine what would have happened if even more cars were out around 2:00 PM that day! Actually, people who left after 6:00 PM reached home in an hour or thereabouts.

I am happy that my tax dollars are being used well. Maybe I should trade in my hybrid car for a snow plow! The miles per gallon reading that day would have been comparable to that of the plow.

To kill a mocking mouse

2007-12-22T11:23:00.000-05:00

Here is my latest rant against Microsoft: they cannot make their own hardware talk to their own software! The case in point: the Microsoft Comfort Optical Mouse 3000.

I got one of these at work several months ago to replace an archaic ball-mouse that Dell surprisingly shipped with their dual-core desktop in this modern optical age. Microsoft mouse. Microsoft Windows XP. Doesn't get more compatible that this, right?

Wrong, but of course.

Everything was hunky-dory for a while. Then, all the windows fell apart (pardon the pun!). It started with Windows disowning the mouse. But in these early stages of the disease, the mouse would be recognized almost immediately.

"Ka-plink, Ka-plink" would go the speakers. Once for un-recognizing the mouse, and once for recognizing it again. Both in the span of less than a second. I did not give it a second thought.

And then there was only one "ka-plink". You can guess which of the two operations was being performed. The mouse had been surgically removed, and the device went dead. A balloon window helpfully asked me to click for more info. What irony! The only solution: unplug the mouse and reattach. But then, that "helpful" balloon went away too, and I could not figure out the cause.

Some Gooling revealed a plethora of potential issues, most requiring the creation of a recovery point in the operating system, accompanied by much fiddling with the dreaded Registry. I decided to wait and watch.

Eventually, the pointing device simply became so sluggish that a hard reboot was the only way out. This was getting too annoying now. I tried with another device of the same make and model, with similar results. I tried different USB ports. No luck.

A colleague then suggested that I install the original IntelliPointer drivers. The CD proudly proclaimed: "Do not plug in the device until you have installed these drivers." Great! How do I navigate the install program's menus, without the mouse plugged in?

Throwing caution to the wind, I plugged in the mouse and installed the driver. I then tried to download the updated driver from Microsoft's website, and was shunted about endlessly. Apparently, their driver download page works only with IE 6 or higher. Poor me, I had FireFox!

I eventually stumbled upon a page that condescended to work with FireFox, and I got version 6.1. In a few days, I should know if this was all in aid of something.

Santa, are you listening?!

The mother of all checklists

2007-10-13T20:57:00.000-04:00

I stumbled upon this gem of a checklist that was handed to me "way back" in 1999, when I was about to embark on my first trip to the US. Things to do (and not do!) before you leave Indian shores towards life as a grad student in America. Good for a few laughs today!

Warning: this is fairly long, so ensure that you have enough free time!

Caution: Most (if not all) info is likely to be severely outdated!

Things to do After Getting Aid
-----------------------------------------

1) Collect "No Dues" from:

a) Hostel

b) Department

c) Central Library

d) Hospi

e) CC

2) Application for "Provisional Certificate" :

Submit a copy of 1)a, 1)b, 1)c (show original)

Surrender your ID card at the 4th floor of AD Block & fill the appropriate form.

JAI - Better get a PC even if u don't need it. Some of the forms u submit to get the PC are essential for u to get a degree on convo day.

3) "Caution Deposit" refund application :

Submit a copy of 1)a, 1)b, 1)c

Give a letter asking for refund

Stick & sign on a 20p Revenue stamp (on the appropriate form)

At the 1st floor of AD Block.

4) Apply for the "complete" Transcript (actually to be done after Convo)

JAI - U need transcripts for applying for internship, jobs, other univs. Maybe you should take 20 of them.

5) Inform all concerned of your permanent address :

(Hostel office, department, Post Office, AD Block, friends ...)

JAI - Give your permanent address to your Room son. Leave an authorization letter addressed to the post master with ur parents.

6) Close your Bank A/c

7) Return all borrowed material & take back all things that you lent out.

8) Get your International Driver's Permit

JAI - Helps to rent cars in US. Also learn driving. :-)

(Form from the USEFI - "Documents Required to Apply for Student Visa" - get the latest one)

Following materials must be presented to the Consular office by you at the time you apply for VISA

1. Form I-20 or IAP-66 (obtained directly from the University you will attend)

2. VISA application form (available at the consulate)

3. Two passport size photographs

4. A valid passport

5. Evidence of financial support

6. Visa fee

JAI - For visa fee(Demand Draft) take the exact amount. Do not take more/less.

7. TOEFL/GRE original/copies.

8. Take PC even though its not necessary.

If Financial assistance has been awarded by the University, please enclose letter from the University to that effect.

If your sponsor is in India you will need the following documents:

a) RBI Clearance

b) Sponsor's bank account statement showing funds for the 1st year of study covering expenses shown on the I20

c) Affidavit of support on stamped paper and notorized from your sponsor for the entire duration of stay in the US

d) Verification of financial resources by Certified Chartered Accountant

If the sponsor is in the US the following documents must be provided:

a) I-134 (available at INS offices in the US)

b) Bank account statement of your sponsor

c) Salary statement

If the sponsor is outside India & US the following documents have to be submitted:

a) Affidavit of support of your sponsor

b) Bank account statement of your sponsor showing funds for the entire period of study

c) Salary statement

You may apply for the visa within 90 days prior to the reporting date mentioned on the I-20. Thus if the reporting date shown on the form I-20 is September 5, you may apply for your visa between June 5 and September 5.

JAI - Note: 90 days is not equal to 3 months & it should be june 7 in e.g above.

The Visa office is open from 8:30 to 11 a.m. Monday through Friday. No prior appointment is necessary to apply for a visa. If you need additional information please call the Visa section at 473040 between 2 and 4 pm on weekdays.

JAI - I am not sure if the above paragraph is up-to-date. Anyway, no point going the night before. Go at around 6:a.m or 7: a.m. Take breakfast+water.

Starting off from the point you get an aid, the steps to be taken are listed below.

o Send your acceptance letter by three modes - FAX, phone, letter

JAI - Some paranoid fellow has written this letter. Confirm by e-mail & send an official confirmation by snail mail or fax.

// 92 - e-mail ?

o If you are going to an arb. Univ renew your app.s to other Univs

o Bump any jobs you may have got

JAI - Highly recommended.

* Travel Booking & Tips
---------------------

The next thing to do is blocking tickets (this implies no financial commitment). This can be done via travel agents. Make sure the Travel Agent is good (examples of dependable travel agents are - Travel Corporation of India (TCI), Parrys Travels).

// 92 - All India Travel Agency (AITA) - Parsn Complex

Block flights with many airlines/agencies. Put pressure on the agencies and get as much info as possible. Much before the flight call the airlines themselves and confirm your ticket.

// 92 - Indicate whether you want Asian Vegetarian Meal (AVM), non-smoking section, etc

o Cross-check everything the travel agent says

o Some airlines offer Frequent Flier programs (e.g. Air France, TWA) [i.e. after a certain # of miles of flying with that airline you get a free ticket]. Enroll in such programs.

// 92 - Delta, British Airways ?

o Avoid change of airline. A direct flight is the best. If change of airline can't be avoided, leave at least 4-6 hrs gap between the scheduled arrival of one flight and the scheduled departure of the connecting flight.

o Baggage is usually safe with a single airline - change of airline sometimes leads to misplaced luggage. Some airlines don't take care of baggage transfer - you may have to personally carry it (check this while booking)

o Do not trust an Indian Airlines connecting flight (in case you use IA allow atleast a day)

JAI - Author refers to previous author. I appreciate the patriotism of this paranoid author.

* Getting the Visa :
-----------------

For students with full financial aid this is no problem at all. Even then these tips will make it all the more peaceful.

o When you go for the visa dress decently. Avoid any Americanisms. A touch of Indianism helps a lot (e.g. a streak of "Vibuthi" on the forehead). Speak slowly and clearly. Don't appear tense and don't look desperate. Showing self-confidence helps.

o Go along with a friend having a vehicle (just in case you have to go & get something)

o They should never feel that you will have any sort of difficulty - language, finance, racial, religious, etc.

o You should be able to convince them that you will come back to India. If they ask you, points in favor are :

a) only child,

b) immovable property in India (can take a proof document),

c) orthodox family,

d) brought up in rural atmosphere,

e) lots of relatives in India; none abroad,

f) mom, dad won't come to USA,

g) field of interest not available in India,

h) change of field not possible in India,

i) interest in teaching - get PhD fast.

JAI - Even a dumbo at the consulate knows that 99.99% desis don't return, esp IITians. Anyway, a lie is no longer a lie if the other person knows it is a lie.

Actually all this won't be required - just in case they decide to have an interview with you these tips will come in handy.

o Suggested ideal timings for getting the visa :

to apply - 9:45 to 10:00 A.M.

to collect - 4:45 to 5:00 P.M.

o Do not go at 5:00 A.M. in the morning & wait

o Avoid Mondays and Fridays, Wednesdays are preferable

JAI - Author assumes that all out-of-station people prefer mondays & fridays b'cos of wekend. But, most of them get a copy of this mail from one of their friends at IIT.

o Go sometime before and get the form for this (you can take the filled form)

o Things to be taken with you when you go for the visa

a) signed I-20 form

b) filled visa application form

c) two passport size photos (take some glue)

d) passport

e) admission & aid letters

f) TOEFL & GRE scores (original + photocopy)

g) Xerox copy of grade cards

* Emigration Clearance
--------------------

o Get this after the visa

o You can get this from a venue other than the place of issue of the passport - by showing that your place of residence falls in the jurisdiction of that passport office (It might take some time, and pain)

// 92 - Anything to do with the Passport Office can & usually will involve a LOT of time & pain

JAI - Its a day's work. ECNR form is available at passport office. Travel agents usually don't have the ECNR form.

o In Madras, the passport office is located on the II Floor, Shastri Bhavan, Haddows Rd

o Take the following things with you -

a) Passport

b) ECNR (Emigration Clearance Not Required) form - get it from your travel agent, avoid queue at passport office

c) Original of the Provisional Certificate (PC) - to show

d) Xerox copy of the PC

o Procedure in brief :

At one counter show the filled form & get a slip; go inside and show your documents at the checking counter; pay Rs.20 at the cash counter; collect passport next day with ECNR stamp.

JAI - Collect passport the same day....

o Suggested timings :

I day 11:00 to 11:15 A.M. (submit)

II day 4:50 to 5:00 P.M. (collect)

* Getting permit for $750
-----------------------

This can be got from any bank authorised to do so (need not go to RBI for this). You can get this within a month of the date of the flight. The following documents have to be taken along to get the permit :

Passport + copy, air ticket, I-20 stident copy + copy, grade cards + copies, PC + copy, XII std pass/mark sheet + copy, aid & admission letters + copies, bank advance/ any other form of payment.

You may take part of the $750 in currency notes - upto $50 is okay (legally upto $100 allowed)

JAI - Present limit is 1500 bucks total and maybe 500 bucks in currency...Tc's are always safer. Don't take one TC. Split, say 1000 bucks, as 500+4*100+2*50.

* Things to be done in advance
----------------------------

Certain things have to be done in advance, i.e., as soon as you get your aid - much before the flight.

o Learn typing

JAI - ????????????????? I am comfortable with my single finger typing capabilities. Learn typing if u r jobless enuf.

o Learn driving

o Learn to cook

JAI - Don't learn the iitian way of one day before leaving. Put some effort & practice for maybe a week. Amru food sucks.

o apply for bank loan (if necessary)

JAI - Enquire from the bank (canara, SBI, Indian) by may end & apply by june. The red tape takes a month for loan approval. No security reqd for loans less than 1 lakh. U might need to take an LIC policy for the loan amt. Also banks give only 75% of what u apply for. U need bills/invoices to claim a refund from the bank. All travel agents give bogus invoices if u r bent upon doing goodals.

o make your passport valid for 6 months more than your stay indicated in your I-20

// 92 - make sure your passport is valid for 6 months atleast. All other changes are best made in the U.S.

o make outstation purchases (sweater, thermal underwear, cassettes, etc. - available/cheap in Delhi, Bombay ...)

o get medical checkup done

a) dental

b) fresh checkup, especially if you have a major ailment

Get prescriptions & medicines for all common ailments (the technical name of the medicine along with Indian/US brand name).

See Appendix I.

c) get your eye-sight checked - get a new prescription. Buy atleast one extra pair of glasses.

JAI - paranoid fellows can buy 2 extra pairs.

d) get tested for TB if possible (chest X-ray) - else they will do it at the Univ

JAI - Do a PPD Mantoux test. If negative no need for chest X-ray. Take vaccination for MMR. Its a 2 dose vaccine to be taken at an interval of one month from the 1st to 2nd. If u don't take it in desh its going to cost a lot in US. Also take tetanus. Paranoid characters can take Rabies, yellow fever, malaria, hepatits A,B,C..Z vaccines :-)

o get cassettes recorded which you may like to take with you

JAI - Lots of them. No point taking western music casettes. C.D's are cheap in the US. So stick to carnatic & light music.

o write to the India club/OIPS giving your flight #, time & date of arrival; they may pick you up & give temporary accommodation if necessary

o if you are very interested in any Indian magazine (Gult, Tamil, etc.) subscribe to them - you can subscribe to them after going to the US also.

JAI - Not necessary, since most of them, like Kumudam, Vikatan are available on the net. I don't know abt gult magazines.

o note your/parent's bank A/c #

JAI - There might be some point in opening a joint account with your dad/mom/girlfriend. I am not sure how useful it would be. U can do it for the heck of it.

* Packing
-------

o Start your packing well in advance

o Buy two good boxes - they should be able to withstand a lot of mishandling. They should be as large as possible within the size limitations (however most airlines are not very strict about baggage size). Put identification marks and labels both inside & outside the boxes (apart from this the airlines will also provide you with adhesive labels). Boxes with independent top & bottom are preferable.

o Box specifications

As an example the Air India economy class baggage specifications to the USA are given below. Note the specs. may be different for other countries/airlines.

2 pieces of baggage with total linear dimension (l+b+h) not exceeding 270cm (106"). Moreover the total linear dimension of each piece should not be over 158cm (62"). The weight of each bag should not exceed 32kg (70lb) [note: they are not particular about this]

Carry on baggage : In addition you can carry a bag with linear dimension not exceeding 115cm (45") onboard (fits beneath the seat).

For most other airlines the baggage spec.s are similar (confirm)

If you are taking a break outside USA/Canada contact your travel agent or airlines for details.

JAI - The baggage sizes are almost standardized. Be careful about the weight of your baggage. No problems if you are not taking a connecting flight inside US. Desh airport guys usually don't crib. Not the same with amru airportwallahs.

* Things to be kept in the boxes
------------------------------

o Copy of all certificates/documents (originals in hand baggage)

o Important apping materials (SOP, reco etc)

o necessary books/notebooks (some suggested books are - Clark's Tables, a good dictionary/thesaurus, a booklet for units conversion) [note: there should be no legal hassles taking Xerox copies of books - but don't flaunt them to Americans/Profs]

o Copy of address book/telephone book/diary

o Some stationery and related items suggested (not absolutely necessary - just for the first few weeks) are :common items + rubber stamp with house address + airmail covers + few Indian razor blades for cutting work + screw driver

o Indian postal stamps - for sending letters through someone coming to India

JAI - Not necessary. Take a couple of stamps to offer to prospective numismatists (of the other sex). :-)

o Medical history files

o Gifts (suggested: rollable pictures, handicrafts, etc)

o Non-technical books (fiction/religious). [note: second-hand story books are cheap in the US]

o 1 pair leather chappals, 2 hawai chappals (+ extra straps)

JAI - 1 hawai chappals (maybe extra straps)..

o soap (bath), toothbrushes (slightly costly in the US - 1 or 2 bucks) etc

o Cassettes

* Clothes
-------

Usually clothes are machine washed once a week (laundramat) - hence one week supply of clothes (+ one week backup) is needed. Get all clothes little loose - clothes may shrink in machine wash & you will probably grow fatter.

o 14-15 sets of undergarments, socks, handkerchiefs

JAI - Get some 2-3 pairs of socks. Socks are quite cheap here and available at $5 for a 6pack.

//92 - Not necessary ! Good stuff available here & pretty cheap

o 5 sets of good shirts, pants

JAI - Maybe more if u are lazy & do laundry once in 2 weeks.

o a good swimming trunk + few shorts

o a tie + 1-2 belts

o 3-6 ordinary towels (Turkish ones start stinking)

JAI - 3 should do.

o a bedsheet

JAI - Should say bedcover. Also get a couple of pillow covers.

o lungies/dhotis/pajamas

o thermal underwear (2-4)

JAI - Costs around 10 bucks a set here. one set should do, atmost 2. U can buy it here, since u won't need it till november end.

o extra woollen sweaters

JAI - 1 should do. I prefer sweatshirts over sweaters. Sweatshirts cost around 20 bucks & have fleece coating. Feels warm.

Note:

o sleeveless woollen sweaters are enough for warm places

o woollen socks not recommended if not going to a cold place

JAI - Not recommended even in a cold place, unless u r going to alaska university.

o second hand alarm clocks are cheap in US

o don't take Indian files (empty) or punching machines - filing system is different in the US (3 holes, A4)

o don't take paper

JAI - U can take a couple of sheets for the initial days.

o don't take raincoats

o don't buy purse (wallet for carrying cards can be bought in US)

JAI - Buy leather wallet from Victoria Institute, somewhere in mountroad. U get cheap & good wallets capable of carrying cards. U can also buy handicrafts here.

o wear your shoes to save space in the box. If needed buy only leather shoes (other types of shoes are cheap in US). For some weather conditions Indian leather shoes may crack.

JAI - Nike/Reebok costs ~40 - Inf bucks. U can get cheap shoes for 20bucks.

// 92 - don't worry yourself if you can't bring any of the stuff listed above - most of them are available pretty cheap in the US (made in China). Exceptions are leather goods, formal wear. In a month or two you will be in a position to get anything you want (unless you are not on aid)

* Food stuffs
-----------

Below are some South Indian food stuffs that may be taken :

o 1 - 2.5 kg packets of "Sambar Podi"

o 1 packet of "Rasam podi"

o 0.5 box of "Masala podi"

o 1 box of "Paruppu podi", "Upma podi", "Vatha-kozhambu podi","tamarind rice podi"

o Appalam/Vadam/pickles

o mustard packet

o tamarind paste

o different dhals in small quantity for initial phase

o asafoetida powder

o Indian instant coffee + Indian tea (takes some time to get used to American stuff)

o Elaichi, clove, cinnamon

Note: most of these items are available in the Indian stores in the major cities. However you need to carry them for use in the first few days.

o actually pickles are not allowed - but you can take them in solder-sealed tins. [students are usually not checked for these]

o take all dry food stuff in sealed plastic packets

// 92 - Most Indian foodstuffs are available even in small cities. Don't come loaded with foodstuffs as you may have (small) problems with the customs. Try to get "instant" stuff as people generally don't have much time for cooking in the US.

JAI - If U r a fan of Maneka bring shikakai powder. Its not avail here. There are some (very few) shampoos available that r not tested on animals.

* Vessels
-------

o big pressure pan (with spare handle, 3 safety valves, 2 weights, 1 base plate, 3 gaskets) [note: big pressure cooker may not be needed as rice cooker can be bought in the US]

JAI - I think i got a 5/6 liter pressure cooker.

o idli plates

o dosai turner, charani (server with holes), rice server & other servers

o tongs

o small bowls ("kinnum")

o rolling pin

o knife

o kadaie (optional)

JAI - Costs some 20 bucks for a nonstick huge kadai. Bring stainless steel vessels of varying sizes, for rasam, sambar,... & lids for each of them +karandis. SS karandis r not availble here. Also SS spoons. U might get some micro containers for ghee/oil, sugar, spices....

o cook book - e.g. "Cook & See" by Meenakshi Ammal

Note: no other vessels needed. No tumblers needed. Try to share & bring the vessels with others coming to your Univ. Non-stick kitchenware is cheap in the US. and you can buy a full set.

* Things to be kept in Hand Baggage
---------------------------------

o some medicines (including for air-sickness)

o novel/mags/books for inflight reading

o sweater

o original important documents (I-20, visa, tickets ...)

o enough money (little cash, travellers' checks)

o address book/phone book (Indian & US)

o copies of your photo (passport size)

o enlisted steps to be followed in case of emergency (accident,theft, etc)

o things to survive for a week in case luggage gets misplaced (two sets of clothes, valuables like calci, addresses etc)

* Things to be kept on person
---------------------------

o shorter extract of contact addresses - especially of people coming to pick you up.

o receipt got along with travellers' checks - in case you lose the TC's

JAI - *** Some food/water, incase the flight crashes & u need to survive till rescue team arrives.

* Things to be left at home
-------------------------

o List of addresses/phone numbers at which info about you can be obtained

o one copy of all your important documents

o a copy of all relevant parts of Medical History files

o Arrange to collect/redirect mail from your room/hostel

o Arrange to apply/collect/mail your transcripts (about 20 in number preferable)

o Your tailoring measurements

o a few blank signed papers - so that your parents can be authorized to look after anything on your behalf

JAI - Depends on how much faith U have on your parents :-), since u r going to become rich soon.

* Things to be done in the last week before the flight
----------------------------------------------------

o call up & find if there is any delay or change of schedule of the plane (inform the people coming to pick you up of any such change)

o rest well - ready to face the long journey/jet lag

o bid bye to all concerned

JAI -Esp, Your girlfriend(s).

* On the day of the flight * in-flight + later
--------------------------------------------

o since it is going to be a long flight wear something comfortable (cotton dress + full hand shirt). Wear your shoes - inflight you can remove them (some airlines give inflight shoes - else relax in socks)

o be at the airport 3-4 hours before flight departure

o collect $20 at the airport (part of it in $1)

JAI - If you get Forex from banks u'll get only 100$ & 50 $ bills. You better get smaller denominations from *&&% agency at Spencer plaza. This place is in the ground floor. Enter spencer plaza & this agency is on the left hand side.

o relax during flight, sleep as much as possible

o for vegetarians - watch out before you eat - you may get non-veg even if you had asked for veg. Veg. food is generally bland - fruits/juice are good choices. (Before ordering anything on board check if you have to pay for it separately for it). Don't hesitate to ask questions.

o once out of India be very careful (from sheer experience of seniors). Don't trust anyone. Don't hire a taxi (unless emergency) till you reach your destination. If required don't hesitate to spend money.

// 92 - Don't hesitate to talk to people to ask questions - usually they will answer all your queries properly - very different from India.

* Port of entry procedures
------------------------

o sometime before landing the flight attendant will distribute customs declaration forms & immigration forms as mentioned below. Fill these out on the plane (you will submit them to the appropriate authorities when you land). Do not hesitate to take the flight attendant's help.

// 92 - You can indicate that you have nothing to declare & total value of all your things is less than $100 on the customs form

Form I-94 - fill in the plane. After seeing your documents immigration officer will indicate length of stay, Univ, etc. This will be attached to your passport. Important: note the expiry date and D/S (duration of status).

Form I-20 ID copy - all transactions regarding your non-immigrant status will be recorded in this form. This should be retained at all times (not surrendered when you temporarily leave the US). Your admission number will be given - memorize it & note it elsewhere.

o just before you land the correct local time will be announced - set your watch [dual time watch will come in handy here]

JAI - Forget the concept of dual time watches. Its pointless...

o once you are out of the plane go straight to the immigration counter - rush for them to beat the queue. It might take 0.5-1 hour here. Keep your I-20, passport, admission & aid letters ready. They might ask a few questions like - is this your first time in the US ? Student ? F-1 visa ? Which Univ ? They will attach an I-64 card to your visa.

JAI - Remember to give both the official copy & student copy of I-20. Don't forget to collect the sealed student copy.

You are now in the USA !

JAI - Obly, unless u land at siberia.

o then go to the baggage are to fetch your luggage. Pick up a cart (you get this at a machine for $1) to carry the bags. Then pick up your bags as they come out on the conveyor (suitable eye-catching labels help here). If you don't get your baggage inform the enquiry section - you may have to wait 0.5-1 hour here.

o cart your baggage to nearby Customs. If asked tell them that you are a student, F-1 visa, school, dept., coming to US for the first time

If asked to open the baggage do so slowly - do not mess up the place. If asked about the "podi"s tell them that they are "dried Indian spices" to make traditional Indian food like curry. Rarely they might ask you to go to the agris. dept. nearby - that is a pain. If asked about "vibuthi" tell them that it is holy Hindu powder used for prayer.

Note : In most cases you will NOT be asked to open your boxes at all & will be simply waved through.

o now go & wait at the nearest exit for the guys who are supposed to pick you up. If nobody turns up after some time (say 0.5 hour) make a collect call (at the public phone dial a '0', get the operator & ask for a collect call). Else call i) your Prof ii) dept. iii)International Students' Office iv) admissions office v) any Indian guy in the directory

Go & ask for an announcement to be made over the PA system.

Get a card, write your name & hold it up.

JAI - US consulate holds some info sessions. It costs Rs. 100 or so. Attend it. U get some crap info & good food. AT & T gives a free calling card worth 6 minutes of international calls/ 25 minutes of long distance calls. Comes handy.

o Never leave your baggage unattended. Don't go out of the airport until somebody comes & picks you up. If you have doubts about the guy who comes to pick you up, don't hesitate to ask for his ID. [All this is of course being a little extra cautious]

o Once you reach your friend's house (or other destination) call home & inform them of reaching safely. Keep a readymade card - add a few lines - go to the nearest post office, get stamps & mail the card immediately.

JAI - Forget this idea of readymade postcards. It will take you atleast a week to figure out where the nearby post office is.

* A few things of importance in after(arrival)life
------------------------------------------------

o Your first work is to meet the Foreign Students' Advisor in the International Student Office (ISO). They keep a record of you (passport, visa details etc). When you leave the US (temporarily or permanently) you have to go there again.

Then do the things which you did when you entered IITM:

- get your Univ ID card

- get your Driver's Licence

- tax forms, etc some paperwork in the dept.

- meet the HOD/grad. student advisor/advisor

- register for classes

Be happy now that your dream has come true !

JAI -Hee Hee haw...

* List of medicines recommended by a Doc.
---------------------------------------

o Crocin tablets - 3 strips

For fever, bodyaches, headache

One tablet three times a day as necessary

o Erythrocin 500mg tablets - 2 strips

One tablet twice a day when necessary, as advised

o Sporadix 500mg capsules - 2 strips

One capsule twice a day when necessary, as advised

o Actified tablets - 3 strips

Cosovil tablets - 2 strips

For common cold & cough.

One tablet three times a day.

o Avomin tablets - 1 strip

For air sickness.

One tablet as necessary.

o Lomotil tablets - 20

Digene tablets - 30

For diarrhoea & stomach discomfort.

One tablet of each three times a day.

o Baralgam tablets - 2 strips

For abdominal colic pain, backache, etc

One tablet every six hours as necessary.

o Dorstal (?) tablets - 10

For nausea & vomiting.

One tablet three times a day.

o Electral powder - 2 packets

One teaspoonful mixed with drinks to make up loss of electrolytes after vomiting or diarrhoea.

o Novalgin tablets - 2 strips

For headache & bodyaches.

One tablet as necessary.

o Stomatil tablets - 1 strip

For vertigo (giddiness)

One tablet three times a day as necessary till relieved.

o Isogel (Glaxo) - 1 box

For constipation.

One teaspoonful in a little of water at bedtime.

o Brufen 600mg tablets - 2 strips

For arthritic joint pains.

One tablet three times a day after food.

o Avil tablets - 1 strip

For allergy.

One tablet as necessary.

o Sepmax tablets - 1 strip

For sore-throat.

One tablet twice a day after food, till relieved. NOT TO BE

TAKEN WHEN ONE IS ALLERGIC TO SULFA DRUGS.

o Relaxyl ointment - 1 tube

To be applied as a pain balm.

o Band Aids assorted - 12

o Soframycin skin ointment - 1 tube

// 92 - the above list seems to have been made out for a guy who is a proper hypochondriac ! True that medicines are relatively very expensive in the US, but you will also tend to fall ill less frequently (clean drinking water, etc). Get all the medicines prescribed above if you must, but atleast get them in much smaller quantities.

JAI - If you have the enthu browse thru the web pages of the dept@univ & decide the likely courses u r going to take & buy the corresponding books. Books are damn costly in US. 80-100 bucks. Alternately contact seniors in same univ/field & find out abt the books u need to take. U can get a xerox of Latex manual. No need to get dictionary.

A new low for CNN

2007-09-29T17:03:00.000-04:00

'Someone's swiping toilet paper', screams the CNN.com headline in the 'Latest News' section today. Even at first glance, this looks trashier than the lowest form of journalism one can imagine. Having a few minutes to kill in the torpor of a muggy afternoon, my computer mouse willingly swallowed the cheesy bait. After all, I needed something to write about :-) So here is the piece in all its nine-sentence glory. Even the authorities do not care all that much. However, CNN does, so all is well with the world. I can take that nap now.

FOND DU LAC, Wisconsin (AP) -- Someone is either too cheap to buy his own toilet paper or planning a big prank.
Fond du Lac County Executive Allen Buechel said someone has been repeatedly stealing toilet paper from the men's public bathrooms at the Fond du Lac City County Government Center since June.
Buechel suspects the person comes in once or twice a week around midday and gets about six rolls a week from dispensers. Some rolls weren't even full, he said.
The thefts haven't been a big loss.
"We don't buy the best toilet paper," Buechel said.
He expects the thief to get caught. "Someone is going to walk in on him when he's doing it and we'll catch him," he said.
Courthouse officials are on the lookout for suspicious activity.
County sheriff Capt. Dean Will didn't return a call for comment Friday.

Six sixes

2007-09-22T07:17:00.000-04:00

Indian cricketer Yuvraj Singh recently thrashed England's Stuart Broad for six huge sixes in a single over. This got me thinking about the three previous such instances.

Perhaps the most famous is the effort by Sir Gary Sobers of West Indies in an English county game in 1968. While almost everyone knows about this episode, few are aware of the circumstances. I fell in this category as well, so I did some digging. Taking nothing away from Sobers, the fact remains that (a) the bowler was Malcolm Nash, a fast-bowler who was experimenting with spin that day, (b) the ground was rather small, and (c) Sobers hit everything to the leg side.

Ravi Shastri of India then replicated the feat in a Ranji domestic game in 1985, hitting the Baroda left-arm spinner Tilak Raj out of the park six consecutive times.

Herschelle Gibbs of South Africa thrashed the hapless Daan van Bunge of the Netherlands during the recent 2007 World Cup. Clueless opposition, and a batsman well-known for the big hitting.

Yuvraj's feat, however, came against a decent team and an international fast bowler with some experience. He also hit the ball all over the park, on both sides of the wicket. Just a few thoughts to keep the mind occupied...

Hard-working CNN

2007-09-08T15:05:00.000-04:00

I salute CNN and its reporters for working hard to bring me the latest top stories in the country. Sometimes, these stories are even tops on the world stage. This day, in honor of CNN, I will present the leading headlines of global importance, as they are put up on the website:

1. Air guitarists battle for glory
2. Laura Bush to undergo neck surgery
3. Expert analyzes bin Laden's body language
4. Hilton fumes over 'hot' cards (more Paris Hilton nonsense)
5. Chihuahua adopts baby squirrels
6. 'Brokeback', "Office' stars entering splitsville (America's love affair with celebrity divorces)

Where would I be if I remained unaware of these earth-shaking developments? Kudos to CNN for putting them above the real issues plaguing this world.

Kathmandu, anyone?

2007-09-08T10:42:00.000-04:00

Bring a couple of goats along. Just for luck. Or just in case!

[From BBC News]

Goats sacrificed to fix Nepal jet

Nepal's state-run airline has confirmed that it sacrificed two goats to appease a Hindu god, following technical problems with one of its aircraft.

Nepal Airlines said the animals were slaughtered in front of the plane - a Boeing 757 - at Kathmandu airport.

The offering was made to Akash Bhairab, the Hindu god of sky protection, whose symbol is seen on the company's planes.

The airline said that after Sunday's ceremony the plane successfully completed a flight to Hong Kong.

"The snag in the plane has now been fixed and the aircraft has resumed its flights," senior airline official Raju KC was quoted as saying by Reuters.

Nepal Airlines has two Boeing aircraft in its fleet.

The persistent faults with one of the planes had led to the postponement of a number of flights in recent weeks.

The company has not said what the problem was, but reports in local media have blamed an electrical fault.

Courting fashion (part 2)

2007-09-06T07:03:00.000-04:00

So, here I was, complaining about the Williams sisters not giving credit to their opponents (see previous post, Courting fashion). Even as I was typing, Serena's lips were moving:

From Williams’s perspective, she beat herself. “I think she made a lot of lucky shots and I made a lot of errors,” Williams, the eighth seed, said sourly during her postmatch news conference. [New York Times]

I saw the match in its entirety. The truth is that Serena was almost never in control during the encounter. In fact, Justine was serving for the first set when the score was just 5-3, and the match could have been a lot shorter if she could have held serve. The second set, in which Serena was blown away at 6-1, showed just how much Serena lacks on the court: muscle cannot always overcome consistent strategy and execution.

But yes, the world is indeed a simple place. At least, it makes it easy to predict the Williams' press conferences.

Courting fashion

2007-09-05T06:51:00.001-04:00

There was a time, not too long ago, when the ladies tennis circuit was populated by graceful players. And then, in the blink of an eye, the scene was quickly altered so that the court became some sort of fashion parade. Gone are the days of pure white; today, many players seem to employ stylists rather than coaches to prep them for their games. One of them, this year's defending champion at the US Open, inserts real gold into her shoes (I am told)! The glitter couldn't save her though, as she was handed an early exit ticket.

Last night at the US Open was quite a study in contrasts. Justine Henin, thin as a rail, dressed in relatively sober attire. Her opponent, Serena Williams, sported elaborate hair plaits, shoulder-length glitter swinging from her ears, and a long chain to match. The focus of one was solely on the tennis. The other seemed to go to pieces in the span of just a few games, trying to muscle her way out against a player who had a lot more than just power. Thankfully, the tennis won out, and Serena now has all the time in the world to devote to her new fashion apparel label.

When the Williams sisters arrived on the scene, they just blew the rest away with their focus on raw power. Games were unbelievably short (and perhaps a tad ugly, even). But the field seems to have adjusted beautifully to match that power. Grace and strategy to the fore again! And no more sobbing Mr. Williams, scared of attending a Grand Slam lest he has to see one of his daughters lose to the other. The Williams sisters, of course, never learn. They continue to be sore losers, always crediting their own injuries/fitness/errors rather than a superior opponent.

But for now, all seems to be well. Let the games continue!

Tennis 101: think baseball!

2007-09-03T13:46:00.000-04:00

I am appalled by the television commentary at the on-going US Open championship. And I am thinking 'tennis', not 'golf'! The commentators are so used to baseball that they are routinely running with terms borrowed from that 'sport'.

In slightly over a single set between Roddick and Berdych, my
ears were subjected to the following gems:

1. Scouting reports
2. Change-ups
3. Checked swing
4. He is oh-for-two out there

The glut of baseball-speak would doubtless have continued, but for Berdych giving up and retiring quickly in the second set. A small mercy! Maybe he heard the TV feed and gave up in disgust.

Yo ho ho and a bottle of... tea?

2007-08-28T19:45:00.000-04:00

Here is a hilarious narrative of the most feared female pirate... and she was Chinese!

[source: www.cnn.com]

Most successful pirate was beautiful and tough

By Maggie Koerth

You can keep your Bluebeards and your Blackbeards. The most successful pirate of all time controlled a fleet of more than 1,500 ships and upwards of 80,000 sailors -- and she did it all without the help of facial hair.

When a Chinese pirate captain named Cheng married a beautiful prostitute in 1801, he wasn't just getting the girl of his dreams; he was making the best financial investment of his career. His new bride, known to history as Cheng I Sao, or "Wife of Cheng," agreed to the marriage on one condition -- that she would share equally in his power and would be given the opportunity to help him secure more wealth.

Sounded like a deal to Cheng, and for the next six years, the husband and wife teamed up to grow their piracy business along the coast of the South China Sea, as far south as Malaysia. But then, in 1807, Cheng passed away. Instead of stepping aside like a "proper" widow, Cheng I Sao promptly took the reins.

Thinking outside the treasure box

Although clearly ahead of her time, Cheng I Sao was shrewd enough to realize that the pirate masses weren't likely as enlightened. So, her first act as leader was to make her husband's second-in-command, Chang Pao, official captain of the fleet.

While Chang Pao led the men into battle, Cheng I Sao focused her attention on business, military strategy, and the enormous task of governing a growing body of ruffians. In the years following her husband's death, she steadily brought more and more outlaws under the banner of her Red Flag Fleet.

In fact, Cheng I Sao was eventually responsible for nearly all the piracy in the region and her fleet exceeded the size of many countries' navies. She also expanded the scope of the business, branching out from simple attack-and-pillage jobs to protection schemes, blackmail, and extortion. Cheng I Sao's reach also extended to the mainland, where she set up an extensive spy network and developed economic ties with farmers who would supply her men with food.
If Cheng I Sao's business practices were exemplary, then her system of pirate law was nothing short of revolutionary. The code of conduct she wrote for her men prescribed much harsher punishments than previous pirate laws had. A disobeyed order was cause for beheading (as was stealing from the common plunder), and deserters stood to lose their ears.

Ironically, Cheng I Sao's most famous laws applied to the taking of female prisoners. Ugly women were returned to shore, free of charge. Attractive captives were auctioned off to the crew, unless a pirate personally purchased the captive, in which case they were considered married. Of course, if that pirate cheated on his new bride, Cheng I Sao had him killed.

The not-so-bitter end

Murder, thievery, and intricate crime syndicates will eventually garner the full attention of the law, and Cheng I Sao certainly had the authorities on her tail. But, here again, she proved more successful than her male counterparts.

Cheng I Sao repelled attack after attack by both the Chinese navy and the many Portuguese and British bounty hunters brought in to help capture her. Then, in 1810, the Chinese government tried a different tactic -- they offered her universal pirate amnesty in exchange for peace.

Cheng I Sao jumped at the opportunity and headed for the negotiating table. There, the pirate queen arranged what was, all told, a killer deal. Fewer than 400 of her men received any punishment, and a mere 126 were executed. The remaining pirates got to keep their booty and were offered military jobs.

As for Cheng I Sao, she retired with her loot and her new husband (former righthand man, Chang Pao) and opened a gambling house. She died peacefully in 1844, a 69-year-old grandmother.

Shave that for last

2007-08-09T20:27:00.000-04:00

As I made my customary way along Interstate 90 today, I was startled to see the guy in the next lane weave about a bit. His car, a white convertible with a retracted roof. I got jittery, and slowed down to see what his next move would be.

He swerved once more, left tires encroaching upon my temporary territory, before correcting his course. I seized my chance and zoomed ahead. I wanted to be as far away as possible when he made his next foray into a faster traffic stream.

As I passed him, I glanced to the right to try and make eye contact, to give him a hard stare. But the veteran wouldn't bite. He was busy looking . . . skywards! And his head was rotating around as if he was . . . shaving! In fact, he had one hand on his steering wheel while the other was operating an electric razor, all at about 60 mph!

I briefly wondered if his razor was cordless, or had to be plugged into his car's electrical outlet. And then, as speedily as it all happened, he blew out of my thoughts.

Until now.

Losing sight of the ball

2007-07-14T17:10:00.000-04:00

The recent introduction of Hawk-Eye technology to tennis Grand Slam tournaments demonstrates the short-sightedness of the game's governing officials. Hawk-Eye predicts the trajectory of the tennis ball after recording its position periodically during flight. While the technology was intended to assist in resolving border-line calls (if challenged by the players), its "last-word" interpretation and has been decidedly shoddy.

The recent Wimbledon final, a fierce battle between Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal, illustrated the frailties of Hawk-Eye together with the clearly
unscientific rules on interpreting the results. To me, the ball is out if it hits the ground outside the painted line. However, the chair umpire repeatedly declared the ball in when the edge of the ball (as determined by Hawk-Eye) was only a whisker within the outer edge of the line! Even when 99.99% or more of the ball was well outside the line. Consequently, the point of impact was outside, yet the shot was called "in".

This is quite ridiculous. In each of these instances, the linesman made the right call. Even at real-time speeds, without the aid of cameras and replays, the on-court staff were immediately able to identify the ball as out. And they were absolutely right. Each time, the chair umpire over-ruled, once even agreeing that he would have called "out" after seeing the Hawk-Eye prediction! Yet, he had to go with the "rule" and overturn the linesman.

Worse, the rule ignores Hawk-Eye's margin of error. The company claims that the technology is accurate to within about 3.5 mm. If this is taken into account, then a ball that is shown to be just out can actually have touched the line by a few hair-widths! Similarly, the "out" calls at Wimbledon could have been well out instead of barely being "in". The verdict, for me, is clear: the focus should be the center of the ball (or a small region about the center). The current rule makes no sense, and Federer was justifiably miffed as call after call went cruelly against him.

Granted, Hawk-Eye provides insights that were not available before. But the officials need a big lesson in rational thinking.

Handling telemarketers

2007-07-07T19:35:00.000-04:00

Telemarketers are getting more annoying, refusing to take "no" as your final answer. I am currently being hounded repeatedly by a finance company whose credit card I canceled. Instead of respecting and accepting my decision, they call at least once a week with pressure tactics to try and get me to re-activate my account. If you try to be nice, you waste several minutes on the phone. The only solution, it seems, is to rudely cut off the caller.

One effective option is to say that the person of interest is not currently at home. Do they have a message you could take? The guaranteed response: This is just a courtesy call, and they will try again later. Ask them which organization they represent, and see them squirm and wriggle as they look for a way to hide this info!

My most recent encounter was actually partially funny. The caller asked to speak to "Rachaman Balakardishna", a highly mangled version of my own name. I grabbed the quick-escape lifeline and declared that a person by that name did not live at our residence! The caller's interest flagged immediately, and I minimized my lost time.

The bookie's bane

2007-07-07T08:24:00.000-04:00

[From Cnn.com]

Irish bookie pays out as cops bust 'wrong' Gore

DUBLIN, Ireland (Reuters) -- An Irish bookmaker who offered 14-to-1 odds that Al Gore would be the next high-profile American to be arrested paid out on Friday after police detained the former vice president's son, also named Al.

Al Gore III appears with his parents, Al and Tipper Gore.

Having not specified which Al bettors could back, Paddy Power said some of the 50 or so people who placed money on the rank outsider being arrested had been quick to claim their winnings.

"We got a good stoning thanks to the vice president's son," the company said in a statement.

The "bizarre coincidence" would cost it more than $13,600.

Al Gore III, 24, was stopped for speeding on Wednesday and arrested for drug possession after a sheriff's deputy smelled marijuana and searched his car.

Paddy Power, which is well known in Ireland for wacky publicity stunts and for offering bizarre and sometimes controversial bets, offered odds on July 3 that had made Paris Hilton the 2-to-1 favorite to be arrested.

It had ranked President Bush and Bill Gates among the outsiders on odds of 33-to-1 and 50-to-1 respectively.

Air travel blues

2007-06-30T09:38:00.000-04:00

Think twice (and a few times more after that) before transiting through Ireland. I recently made an international connection on Aer Lingus through Dublin, en-route to the UK. For the first time in nearly eight years, I experienced international transit passengers being put through immigration and customs checks at the transit airport. Apparently, this was done because we were at the port of entry into the European Union. Then, we were made to exit the terminal area and join a queue for security check. Problem was, every passenger entering the airport at Dublin was also in the same queue! There was no quick side-screening for transit passengers.

The flight to Dublin was late by about 15 minutes, cutting my scheduled 1-hour connection to less than 45 minutes. The queues were long and essentially static. Jumping the immigration queue did not help, and I missed the flight to the UK. They apparently held the flight for as long as they could (yet it seemingly departed on time, so what was the big courtesy they expended towards me?) I missed a huge chunk of the meeting I was traveling to, since Aer Lingus would only put me on their next flight seven hours later. Compensation? A 5-Euro voucher for breakfast, when my stomach was already churning from the transit ordeal.

I do not question the procedures. They are what they are. But the airline should be aware of them, and account for such expected delays while scheduling their itineraries. It is not as if they were doing me a favor flying me to the UK and back. They got more than 1500 good reasons to do so. Customer service and accountability seem to be unheard of nowadays. Not even money can buy them!

More drama on the way back. The Dublin-Boston flight halted at Shannon in Ireland, just half an hour after take-off. The flight attendants had to confer before confirming that everybody had to get out with their bags. We went through US immigration right there in Ireland! I got my I-94 card stamped here. This was followed by a mad rush to re-board the plane, with the Shannon-Boston crowd getting priority! The plane then stayed at the gate while they located and removed the checked bags of two potential travelers who were denied the right to be on the flight. A harrowing and financially wasteful trip, to say the least.

And a funny incident at Boston's Logan Airport the very next weekend, on my way to San Francisco. The guy ahead of me had a tough time keeping the security scanner quiet. Beep! Beep! He was repeatedly asked if he had anything metallic on his person, which he stoutly denied. Beep! Beep! When the officer finally forced him to check his pockets, out came a quite large spoon from the back pocket of his pants! Was he expecting an ice cream sundae on his flight?!

Adding spice (ahem... juice) to pro baseball

2007-05-28T07:42:00.000-04:00

Self-righteousness from Jason Giambi. Having already admitted to juicing himself up with steroids, the pro baseball player with the New York Yankees now decides to lay the blame elsewhere.

''What we should have done a long time ago was stand up -- players, ownership, everybody -- and said: 'We made a mistake.'

Players, yes. Obviously. The team owners, yes again. They openly support drug users and pay them grand salaries for cheating. But everybody? Granted, even Major League Baseball (MLB) played a role by not being strict about punishing the use of performance enhancing drugs. Then again, the players (through their union) are not very amenable to rigorous testing and stringent bans. The MLB has to negotiate with the union about test frequencies and punishment levels! Ever hear something similar about the Olympics?!

Giambi's agent made sure his contract with the Yankees had an interesting proviso: that he cannot be dropped even if he tested positive for drugs! If this isn't a statement of guilt, I'm the cliched monkey's uncle.

This is a great gambit by Giambi:

admit to steroid use in the past,
claim that it did not help him hit home runs (question: why use the stuff if it does not help you?!),
then continue to juice up and biff more home runs.

It is hilarious to see the likes of Giambi go hitless for extended periods of time just after another player (like Rafael Palmeiro) gets busted in a drugs test. The hitting prowess disgustingly and miraculously returns overnight, once the storm has passed from the media light.

Why not lay the blame squarely where it should be parked? The players who routinely cheat by using illegal substances to boost performance.

Only in America...

2007-05-28T07:02:00.000-04:00

On April 28, Josh Hancock, a pitcher for the St. Luis Cardinals professional baseball team, died in an auto accident. He plowed into the back of a tow truck that was helping a stalled motorist, and died almost immediately. He was found to be very drunk, had marijuana in his car, was talking on his cell phone, speeding, and not wearing a seat belt.

Tragic accident. But five bad judgment calls grossly diminished any chance of survival. To the sane mind, it is clear that Josh was responsible for this accident.

Until you hear his father's latest salvo. Granted, the personal loss is great. To levy a lawsuit against the bar that served the drinks is a bit much, though. You cannot win in this country. If the bartender had refused to serve the drinks, Josh himself would have sued for infringing on his freedom to drink to the end of the world.

To quote the lawyer masterminding this latest frivolous lawsuit:

"It's understood that for the entire 3 1/2 hours that Josh Hancock was there that he was handed drinks," Keith Kantack, a lawyer for Dean Hancock, said. "It's our understanding that from the moment Josh Hancock entered Mike Shannon's that night that he was never without a drink."

Basic question: why do people frequent bars, if not to drink? Why stay there for 3.5 hours, if one had no intention of drinking away every minute of that time?

And it does not stop there. The lawsuit names the tow truck driver and his company as defendants! Apparently, 7 minutes (during which he was assisting the stalled vehicle) was "exorbitant" for clearing a vehicle off the roadway! Wow! Talk about high standards!

The madness actually continues: the stalled driver is also named as a defendant! The poor guy broke down on the highway, and is now being punished for somebody else's mistakes (in the plural).

It is time for some personal responsibility. But as they say, only in America...

A different kind of toll road

2007-05-28T06:24:00.000-04:00

An aging elephant in the Indian state of Orissa is apparently imposing a toll on all passing motorists. The toll is in the form of food! People can drive past the elephant only if they roll down their window and exit the vehicle, allowing the pachyderm to sniff around inside for fruit and vegetables. Any such items found are gulped down, and the motorist waved through! Many drivers in the US adjust their trip departure times to beat out congestion. These Orissa drivers may have to tweak their schedules to match the elephant's meal times (at least if they want to ensure that their produce purchases make it onto their family's dining table!)

Here is a link to the full article.

Go Federer!

2007-01-28T18:04:00.000-05:00

Roger Federer is quite unstoppable at the moment. He just won his 10th Grand Slam title, beating Chile's Fernando Gonzalez in straight sets after some rare tight spots in the opening set.

I am a huge Pete Sampras fan, and in my view, Federer has taken his game to even higher standards. The same grace and power. No ugly double-handed back-hands or grunts. Almost perfect all-round game, and an ice-cool exterior under any pressure.

Federer has three crucial qualities that nobody else seems to possess:

1. The ability to somehow return any serve.

2. The talent to know where the lines are and place the ball inches away from them without compromising on power.

3. A precise backhand overhead, that again catches the lines perfectly.

This guy is amazing! As one fan put it, "Federer is betterer." Couldn't have put it err... better! Ten Grand Slams now, and he should surely beat Sampras' 14 in two or three years. These two share the weakness on clay, though. If Federer can conquer that frontier, it will be the last piece of the puzzle.

The law of averages in Indian cricket

2007-01-04T05:38:00.000-05:00

Sports reporters and commentators just love statistics. They probably like the certainty of numbers. A score of 100 is better than a score of 10. Black and white. No greys.

Of course, some sports are riddled with extreme statistics. Major Leage Baseball (MLB) in the US is a prime example. In no other sport have I come across the blatant abuse of statistics. Here is a an example, totally hypothetical, but highly representative of baseball commentary on television:

"The pitcher has a 0.25 ERA against switch-hitters batting left-handed at this particular ground during the month of July, when the temperature was so-and-so degrees and my mother baked her famous cookies."

What is the sample size on such an average? One? Two? Can we even call it a sample?!!

Back to cricket, the topic of this post. When people talk about strong teams such as Australia or South Africa, the law of averages is often thrown out as a desperate attempt at hope. Australia has been winning a lot of 5-day matches of late, so they are due for a loss. Ricky Ponting has scored enough runs for the year, so there is a good chance that he will fail soon. With the Indian team, the law of averages operates on a much shorter time frame: from day to day, within the same 5-day match!

How many times have we seen our team play extremely well on day 1, and then squander it all away the very next day? The current series against South Africa is a case in point. They won the first match comfortably, and were on an adrenaline high. They could so easily have drawn the next game and maintained their 1-0 lead, yet they decided to combust on the final couple of days and actually lost!

With the series at 1-1, and a fairly decent batting display on the first day of the third game, they lost 5 wickets for 19 runs so that a chance for a series win all but evaporated on day 2. And now, we fight day 3. But before we jump all over their backs, let us step back and think. It is not really the team's fault. It is just the law of averages at work.

A well-oiled (er... oil well) tax system

2006-12-23T08:47:00.000-05:00

As gas-electric hybrid vehicles are increasingly embraced by a society getting sick of rising fuel costs and the US government's apathy towards the environment, oil companies and government agencies are already churning their murky minds to circumvent the resulting loss of revenues. More miles to the gallon means less fuel sold. The oil companies lose, unless hybrid owners start driving more than before. Improved fuel efficiency also implies less income from the gas tax. The government loses.

The likes of Exxon-Mobil and Shell can easily re-calibrate their bottom lines by jacking up fuel costs. This they have done (as expected): after several months of artificial price-setting kept the cost per gallon of regular gas under $2.20 in my neighborhood, the end of the Congressional elections has seen a nearly 27 cent increase in double-quick time. How predictable, on so many levels!

So what can the government do about declining gas tax incomes? Tennessee lawmakers are showing the way by proposing a road use tax. Instead of paying a per-gallon tax at the pump, you get to pay for the miles you drive! In a trial of this latest swindle, a fleet of cars will be equipped with GPS units that track your driving distance between gas station visits. The units will communicate with the gas pump, deduct the gas tax from your bill, and tack on the use tax instead. These law-makers, whose salaries probably allow them to keep driving gas-guzzling behemoths without a second thought, are finding ways to annul the technological advances generated by foreign auto makers!

Here is a potential traffic impact from such a bizarre taxation policy. Currently, people largely choose routes based on perceived travel times, delays and facility-specific tolls. Traffic thus gets spread across multiple road facilities based on many days of driving experience and trade-offs between monetary tolls and travel time savings. If the taxes begin to depend on distance, people could start targetting the shortest distance (and not the shortest time) options. Distance is a concrete measure: there are no grey areas related to individual perceptions, and it certainly does not change from day to day. Together with fuel cost increases from the oil industry, the road use tax could make traffic worse!

Or maybe it won't. But I am sure that the possible side effects have not even been considered by Tennessee's rich law-makers.

Drive safe: watch out for the lunatics!

2006-12-23T08:23:00.000-05:00

I have been commuting to work for nearly six months now, and have seen enough to rant about Boston's drivers (at least those who drive around me as I stumble to work on the dreaded Mass Pike, I-90, every weekday).

There is at least one accident almost daily on the short 15-mile stretch of highway. One can only ascribe these routine collisions to careless and reckless driving way past the speed limit, too fast to be sustained by heavy weekday traffic levels. Besides the obvious risks of personal injury and vehicle damage, such driving is inconsiderate, to say the least. The smallest perturbations tend to throw I-90 into a downward spiral that can grind traffic to a standstill lasting hours. My 40-minute commute, for example, has often degenerated into a one to two hour drag.

One of my pet peeves (and I have many of these) is drivers who cannot stand seeing traffic move fractionally faster in another lane than theirs. They constantly weave left and right, as though they have a mandate to use all lanes equally. I see several such lunatics daily, cutting across lanes with impunity. They will often start crossing over to the next lane to take advantage of a 1-2 mph speed increase, only to find a slow-moving truck ahead in the target lane. Otherwise, the current lane might temporarily speed up a bit. The selfish driver then arrests her lane changing process mid-way (with two wheels in each lane) to return to the lane she just began evacuating. All of this, of course, will be executed without the use of turn indicators. Sometimes, these people will be half way to the next lane before their conscience directs them to blink their indicator for a fraction of a second, more like an afterthought!

I believe that such aggressive behavior is largely encouraged by the ridiculous blame system associated with fender-benders: the rear-ender is always at fault. Drivers therefore take their chances. They cut too close in front of others, knowing that the poor victim has all the incentive to watch out for this weirdo and slow down. Safe drivers are especially vulnerable, since the distance they maintain from the vehicle in front is enough invitation for aggressive types to cut in. Turn signals are used as rights of passage: "Hey! My indicator is on, so watch out!" In case of an accident, the cautious driver always loses. How convenient and safe!

The Swiss Alps

2006-12-02T16:41:00.000-05:00

Let me start with a simple geography quiz.

Q: Which country does Geneva belong to?

A: Actually, it depends.

Now, I know this sounds completely wacky. Geography was one of my favorite subjects in high school. I liked looking at maps. I liked drawing/replicating map outlines, and I had no problems with studying for my geography exams. So why this sudden ambiguity about such a well-known city?

Personal experience taught me a bittter lesson. So here is a little geography tip that might be useful to first-time travelers to Geneva. Especially those who (a) plan on flying Air France to get there, and (b) do not have permission to visit France.

For, though Geneva belongs to Switzerland, France has taken a bite out of the city! In fact, a part of Geneva's airport is French territory!
It is as bizarre as it sounds. Here is a real-world account of what is in store for the unsuspecting traveler.

We recently booked tickets for a Boston-Geneva trip on Delta Airlines (through www.Travelocity.com), which conveniently tagged their flights as Air France through a code-sharing agreement. Our final destination: GVA (Geneva, Switzerland). As we were going to Switzerland, we applied for (and obtained) Swiss visas in advance, and were feeling pretty good about ourselves. We boarded our flight at Boston, landed in perennially messy Charles de Gaule airport in Paris, and even figured out the departure gate for the Paris-Geneva flight.

And then, the seemingly simple matter of an international transit turned into utter chaos. We were refused entry to the gate area! It turned out that Air France treated Paris-Geneva as a domestic flight, since they would be landing in the French sector of Geneva's airport. Essentially, we had to clear customs at Paris, for which we had no visa!

All that was required was a single line of warning on Travelocity's website: "Geneva airport is split in two; please ensure you have the required documents." Three agencies - Travelocity, Delta Airlines and Air France - failed to pass on this critical piece of information (freely available to them), and we paid the price. Literally, too, as we shall see in just a moment.

Air France personnel righted their second wrong (of letting us on the Boston flight without checking for Shengen visas) by re-routing us to Geneva on Swiss Air. Terribly nice of them. Until our checked bag got lost, and we had to join a long line of similarly disgruntled passengers at Geneva. Swiss Air, as the last carrier to get us to our final destination, was saddled with the burden of tracing and delivering our bag. They screamed in anguish (in a nice, calm, Swiss sort of way) about the incompetance of everyone involved. Apparently, the Paris fiasco was a regular occurrence!

We had to have Delta re-book our return tickets, which was done after we were forced to cut a day out of our trip and cough up an additional $440. Plus, Delta only flew out of Zurich! We ended up on Zurich-Atlanta-Boston return flights, which required another $220 in the form of train tickets (to get to Zurich). Delta maintains that they are not responsible for this ridiculous occurrence. Travelocity and Air France have ignored me so far. And I am left holding the bag.

Brilliant, all around. Kudos to the airline industry!

Let spellings bee!

2006-10-14T10:42:00.000-04:00

Always remember: 'i' before 'e', except after 'c'.

The age-old maxim in English grammar instruction has now bitten the bullet. The language teems with words that blatantly flout this rule. I have relied on this rule almost all my life, but sometimes, the written word just feels wrong. Somehow.

I was typing out an e-mail last week, when I decided to use the word "liesurely". It just did not look correct, though it follows the 'c' rule to the 't'. So I checked a dictionary, and it indeed spelled trouble: in leisurely fashion.

What a truly weird language we have!

Pie in the sky

2006-10-14T08:40:00.000-04:00

I have been flying around a lot of late (and no, my arms are not really that tired!) However, my stomach has had much to complain about.

Take-offs and landings are never good for me. Despite more than seven years of "experience", food always defies gravity and tries to rise up the easophagus. It does not help that airline food is generally pathetic. Particularly for a vegetarian.

I have always tried to guarantee something edible on my flights, by choosing the "Asian Vegetarian" meal preference. I recently came to question this approach, however, after seeing meal after meal of make-believe Indian food consisting of dessicated spinach, dry salads and stale, yellow rice.

Fatefully, during my last couple of trips, I missed the important meal specification while booking my tickets. I was relegated to choosing from the common menu. They say that fishermen are the biggest liars on the face of the planet, but airline menus are by far the worst. The "large sub stuffed with vegetables" concocted images of a foot-long sandwich (a la Subway), but it turned out to be a flattened wrap roughly 4 inches long and an inch and a half wide.

Nevertheless, the menu experience was not bad at all. Infact, the pasta was soft and fresh, the puris were edible, and the desserts were eclectic. Something vegetarian on every flight. Nothing gourmet, yet decent.

And then, with the last meal of the final leg, everthing broke down. Roasted veal for the appetizer. No choice on this item, and not very appetizing. Main course: chicken or salmon. Over and out! Lunch degenerated into crackers and cheese, a bun with butter, a bowl of fruit, a couple of squares of chocolate and a cup of OJ.

I guess it is back to Asian Vegetarian from now on.

The (w)art of reverse swing

2006-10-01T15:01:00.000-04:00

In cricketing circles, reverse swing is an art. But only if you are able to produce it with a cricket ball, and you are not from the Indian subcontinent. If you happen to play for India, Pakistan or Sri Lanka, it is a wart: a pestilence that must be stamped out by accusing the teams of cheating and ball-tampering.

Sour grapes!

Pakistan's fast bowlers have historically been targetted as cheats (partly because nobody else could perform this magic, and largely because other teams were clueless against it). When England managed to wrap rings around Australia in the last Ashes series, reverese swing graduated to the level of "accepted tactics". As long as you are not from the Indian sub-continent.

Simon Jones now defends all of England with this fine statement reported by Cricinfo:

"People who say reverse swing is not possible without ball-tampering obviously know nothing about cricket," he told The Western Mail. "I know what I did was legal. I would never do anything outside the laws of the game."

Let us not get into an argument about Jones' honesty and integrity. If he indeed shaped/conditioned the ball "legally" to aid reverse swing, let us take his word for it. Maybe he should release a list of "legal" ways of achieving reverse swing. The biased ICC can then allow only these actions, while rejecting anything else that comes from... well, you know where.

Or perhaps, the ICC can just get a spine and mandate regular checks on the ball by the match refereee. And not just when a team from the sub-continent is bowling. It is time the ICC got its act together, instead of bickering about purely financial matters such as ambush marketing and bat logo sizes.

Our hybrid

2006-10-01T14:34:00.000-04:00

Without much hesitation, we decided to buy a hybrid car. Though the options are rapidly multiplying, the real choice was between the Toyota Prius and the Honda (Civic, Accord). We plumped for the Civic: the Prius's futuristic looks did not appeal to us, and the Accord hybrid's mileage was not impressive enough (thanks to a heavy V6 engine, mostly).

The 2006 Civic looks more like a regular car than the Prius. However, it has been revamped for a sporty, aerodynamic design that definitely contributes to the high mileage ratings (49 mpg on arterials, 51 mpg on freeways). After 3000+ miles, we are consistently clocking 45+ mpg. My work commute of roughly 22 miles each way (on slightly hilly terrain) essentially translates to an empty tank every 9-10 days, which is fantastic on the wallet!

The 2006 Civic Hybrid has regenerative braking, which charges the battery by recovering power during deceleration. A nice little dashboard indicator tells you if the battery is assisting the gas engine, or is being re-charged. The dashboard layout also has a huge digital speed display, which is not hindered by the steering wheel.

The reduced trunk space in the 2006 Civic Hybrid has been perhaps its most bandied drawback. However, it quite easily accommodated two large Samsonite hard-plastic suitcases (of the size typically lugged to and from India) in addition to a tennis raquet and a 24-pack case of Gatorade. Not bad for a small trunk!

The driving experience has been great. The engine is smooth, and the switch between gas and electric engines is imperceptible. With Honda's legendary reliability, we expect to be very pleased with this purchase in the short and long runs.

Life in the FastLane

2006-09-12T07:15:00.000-04:00

I got EZPass! This is an Electronic Toll Collection (ETC) program: you install a small transponder device under your windshield, and an automatic sensor communicates with it as you drive through a toll plaza at reduced speed. The required tolls are then deducted from your account. One does not even need to keep track of the current balance: money is added through a credit card charge when the balance falls below a certain threshold.

So far, my subscription to EZPass has worked wonders on my commute. Having spent many a trip crawling towards the toll plaza that had already been sighted quite a while ago, it is a huge relief to bypass the long lines of cash-handling drivers and zip through the (nearly) empty ETC-only lanes.

Some times, though, congestion is so bad that the queues in the manual toll lanes back up all the way; the ETC lanes may thus be free, yet access could be blocked by the "manual" vehicles. This can be frustrating. Thankfully, I have encountered this only a few times (all before I got EZPass!)

The resident ETC program for Massachusetts is FastLane, but EZPass, a New York-New Jersey program, works just as well on this network.

Giving Windows the (re)boot

2006-07-23T07:22:00.000-04:00

Microsoft Windows is an energy-sapper. The world's (supposedly) most popular PC operating system is riddled with increasing ways of making you tear your hair out by the roots. I am constantly amazed by people who proclaim their love for this program because it "looks better" than other options. To these people, I can only recommend that they install Linux and see for themselves.

My pet Microsoft peeve, for the moment at least, is the need for constant reboots after installing the smallest utilities. After seven (and some) years of maintaining Linux machines, I find it highly irritating that Windows still has not found a way around this. There has to be a way of updating the registry, etc. without having to shut down everything else you are doing.

The reboot headache is not one that you encounter once in several months either. Thanks to the various auto-update routines floating around, one is required to start from a clean slate on numerous occassions. However, I would at least expect to be given the chance to decide when to reboot the machine after a software update.

But sorry. No dice! Instead, I get a constant stream of "reminders" every few minutes that it is time to reboot. I can either drop whatever I am doing and bow to my Microsoft masters, or endure a vexing time clicking "Cancel" or "Remind me Later". Why not add a simple option to "Remind me When the Sun Explodes"?!!

Here is a potential marketing gimmick for Microsoft to consider: ship extra memory with every new Windows release, so that the reboots become faster. This will help maintain productivity at current levels, to compensate for the time we spend twiddling our thumbs while Windows recharges its creaking Registry. At least, we will not be running backwards every time a bug-riddled piece of code is installed and frequently updated.

You hit, I mint!

2006-07-20T06:40:00.000-04:00

The most lucrative business today must be the manufacture of baseballs. Watch the game for a while, and try to count the number of balls they use up before play ends. I have not tried this yet, but am convinced that the number will be quite staggering.

Let me attempt to list the more obvious sources of wastage. First, any ball that is hit once by the bat, has to be thrown away! There is no doubt about this. Pitcher hurls the ball, batter hits the ball cleanly, fielder pouches it in his bucket (that stupid glove they use. Come on now, be a man, and catch it bare-handed like in cricket!) Even if the ball never bounces into the dirt, the fielder chucks it into the crowd.

Let us now say that the pitcher loses his radar for a bit, and the ball bounces once before being held by the catcher (the guy who squats behind the batter). Does the ball get reused? It is not entirely clear, but it definitely does not enter the game immediately. Instead, the catcher passes it along to the umpire (who half-squats behind him). The umpire gives him a brand new ball to play with, while he either surreptitiously discards the old one, or inspects it with a microscope (also surreptitiously, since I have never seen him do this on television) to determine if it has not been spoiled in some way. Essentially, the bump ball is soiled until proven otherwise.

Only when the pitcher delivers the ball directly into the glove of the catcher, without being intercepted by anything solid on the way, does the ball come back into play immediately.

So, at a minimum, with 9 innings, 3 batters per inning and 3 pitches per batter (two fouls and a ball in play that gets an out), we are talking about 81 pitches. In reality, there are way more than 3 pitches per batter, so we must scale this number by at least 2. That yields 162 pitches. Now factor the other team in, and we double this estimate to 324.

A solitary Google hit, a web page from 2001, explains that a Major League game averages 250-300 pitches, and that the average life of a baseball is 6 pitches. That is 50-60 balls per game (according to my pitch calculation), without counting the possibility of endless extra innings (don't ask me... it is all too complicated. Maybe in another post). [Aside: extra-inning games are not that uncommon. They happen with sickening regularity, and they continue until a score difference is achieved.]

There are, of course, many assumptions in the above calculations. However, it does seem to be in the ballpark (hehe!).

On top of all the game balls, we need more of them for Spring training, game-day practice, warm-ups and for plain, old autographing. And all this for one game. Each team plays some 160 games a year, and some progress further and play a few more. There are 30 teams currently in the Major League fray. Of course, there are the lesser mortals too, who play in the Minor Leagues, in schools, playgrounds, ...

These are very, very good numbers indeed for the makers of baseballs!

Pinch the gas, not the wallet

2006-04-26T14:03:00.000-04:00

The rising cost of oil has led to the expected spike in gas (petrol) prices all across the country. Stories abound of commuters switching to bicycles even for long distances, price-gouging by oil companies, and lawsuits against fuel re-sellers who are charging lower rates than their competitors in a bid to attract business (and also perhaps to put on a more driver-friendly image).

The best news story to date, though, was in today's online edition of the CNN news service. Drivers in California are resorting to a novel way of beating the clamp on their wallets: they simply allow their tanks to go dry, and stall up on the busy freeways and arterials of the state. Subsidized towing services ply the roads to rescue such victims, and greet the stranded vehicles with a free gallon of gas. That could be good for at least another 20-30 miles!

The frequency of such "requests" has apparently shot up in the past few days, and is expected to maintain an upward trend in the near future.

Ad-surfing

2006-04-24T08:20:00.001-04:00

This is a brief rant about the amount of advertising on American television today. It is bad enough that nearly half the scheduled duration of a program is consumed by con-vertising: a deluge of inferior products (low on both concept and design), yet high on price, being sold as the best thing ever to happen to us. How did we (and our parents and grandparents) live without such nifty gadgets/diet supplements/electronics?

What is even more vexing is that the various broadcasting stations seem to have colluded to schedule their ads at exactly the same times! We no longer have the option of channel-surfing to escape these irritating bank-account-emptying schemes, as we encounter similar nonsense with every press of the button! The only way out seems to be to tune the TV out for the next five minutes. Go load the dishwasher, maybe. Or read a chapter of a novel, and still return to the TV show with plenty of time to spare.

Sometimes, the irritation is taken to the next level: almost every channel you visit is running the exact same ad! I wonder: do Bowflex and Magic Bullet make so much money swindling people, that they can afford to run so many paid ads on such a variety of channels?!

On a slight tangent, imagine several five-minute ad stretches within a half-hour program. The cast from the TV shows seems to be getting paid gobs of cash for "half-hour" episodes, when they essentially have to work only towards a fifteen-minute piece at best! Neat! Professional sport, here comes competition in the salary department!

Lights! Action! Now, cameras, please.

2006-04-18T14:00:00.000-04:00

Exasperated with the duration of your commute to and from work each day? Had enough of waiting at numerous traffic lights each way? Well, help is on the way: just log on to eBay, and buy yourself an Opticon. Simply flash the device at red lights, and watch them turn green!

It is amazing that the technology directing traffic streams in busy cities and corridors has been left so exposed and unprotected. Imagine the possibilities...

So how did this "secret" product's existence come to light? An enterprising resident of Longmont, Colorado has finally been arrested for playing havoc with the traffic lights on his commute. The authorities had to resort to video surveillance, which paid off eventually: they noticed a white Ford pickup truck driving by the lights every time their timing went haywire. The owner of the truck, however, is gladly paying the $50 citation, content that the price he paid for the device has long been recovered in terms of precious minutes saved.

I have a few questions to pose, though. With the ease of video surveillance today, why did this guy use the same route every day? Maybe a little variety in terms of route selection could have prolonged his bliss! For that matter, even a less conspicuous vehicle may have slipped across the probing eyes for a little bit longer...

Working on the Fly

2006-04-13T15:31:00.000-04:00

Laptops are ubiquitous in airport terminals these days. Every way you look, people are studiously focussed on their LCD screens and MacDonald's burgers (with fries, of course), seemingly oblivious to the world outside a 2-foot radius. Sometimes, you will even see them laugh out loud after finding something hilarious in their official documents. Or maybe in the solitaire game they just won.

I thought I'd join the race, and try to get some work done while stuck in Terminal C at Dallas/Fort Worth recently. It probably serves me right for thinking I could get away with it: there was not one place for me to plug my power cord! The only source of electricity was in the middle of a narrow corridor leading to the restrooms.

I trawled the adjoining gates to no avail, and eventually gave up. Deciding to conserve my limited battery strength for later, I headed for the food court. I could at least copy the other activity that was gripping my co-passengers!

The Perfect Car

2006-04-13T15:01:00.000-04:00

We must soon purchase a car. My predisposition to public transit notwithstanding, a car is increasingly becoming a requirement in the US. The choices are endless, but the tricky decision is a long-term one. Almost every single make and model manufactured in the wide world seems to be an option here. So how do we make a good decision? Suggestions and experiences are gladly invited.

As a first step, I started renting out a variety of cars when forced to hit the road (mostly to places that cannot be reached through a nice bus-train combination). Rental companies in the US seem to be fixated on handing out American vehicles. The assignment has always been the Chevrolet (Chevy) Cobalt. Now, "cobalt" conjures up the color blue in my mind. Remember the "cobalt blue" from your watercolor set? On both occassions, however, we were given flashy cars: a deep red, and a glaring orange!! Arrrgh! We were literally lighting up the road as we blazed away on the freeway!

Hue preferences aside, the Cobalt is simply inefficient. In a time when gas prices are skyrocketing to unprecendented highs, this car guzzles black gold. Granted that I was driving a lot, but I had to make fueling stops every day! There were other nagging design defects in this model. Even slight turns of the steering wheel would completely block off the speedometer. Worse, blocking out the sun from your eyes would also block the rear-view mirror! Talk about driving blind!

I have driven far too many other cars by now, thanks to my Zipcar membership (see www.zipcar.com. Hey! A free advertisement for this nice company!) The list includes the Scion xA, Scion xB, Prius (hybrid) and the Volkswagen Jetta.

I wrote a piece on the Prius some time ago. Here is some raving on the Jetta, which has been the best experience to date: it has a solid car body with an equally comforting weight behind the steering mechanism (the xA and xB were so light that even minor bumps on the road would jerk the wheel around). Amazingly smooth acceleration from the Jetta, even from rest. Very good views of the vehicles around you (the Prius' slick, aerodynamic design causes even pedestrians on crosswalks to be hidden, while the xB is so boxy that there is little to be seen even by twisting your neck backwards).

The Jetta, however, is a fairly small car. Leg room (especially in the rear seats) is not great. This has not been an issue so far, since I am the one doing the driving!

The hunt for a nice family car thus continues. Updated experiences will be posted from time to time. I may even attempt to describe the pros and cons for each model in detail.

Inbox clutter

2006-02-21T06:41:00.000-05:00

E-mail spam is always a headache. In spite of great advances in filtering technologies that divert unsolicited mail to a special trashcan, junk increasingly escapes their clutches and ends up in my mailbox. The other day, I received one that was sent by "me" to myself! The spam filter caught this one, thankfully, though others from perfectly fictitious entities were being neatly delivered into my Inbox!

Childhood dreams

2006-02-21T06:31:00.000-05:00

Here is a quote by Clarence Darrow, a lawyer from the late 80s and early 90s. Any reasons why this line is doing the e-rounds at this point?

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm
beginning to believe it.

A brief bio of Clarence Darrow, taken from http://www.brainyencyclopedia.com:

Clarence Darrow (April 18, 1857 – March 13, 1938) was the lawyer who defended Leopold and Loeb in their trial for murder and defended John T. Scopes in the so-called "Monkey Trial, opposing Fundamentalist prosecutor William Jennings Bryan. He remains famous for his wit, compassion, and agnosticism.

It is said that Clarence Darrow failed the bar exam six times, passing upon his seventh attempt. This feat is also shared by Judge Learned Hand, so fearful bar students can find solace in failing—they are in the company of the greats.

After beginning his career as a corporations lawyer in Illinois, he switched sides to represent the American Railway Union, led by Eugene V. Debs, in the Pullman Strike of 1894. Darrow had conscientiously resigned his lucrative corporate position to represent the working class, because he empathized with their plight. Unfortunatelly, Darrow had to compromise his principles when defending radical labor leaders such as Big Bill Haywood.

Darrow successfully defended Haywood, the leader of the Industrial Workers of the World and the Western Federation of Miners, on charges of murdering the former governor of Idaho in 1905. He was not so successful when called on to defend the MacNamara Brothers, who were charged with dynamiting the Los Angeles Times building during the bitter struggle over the open shop in Southern California: Darrow convinced them to plead guilty and barely escaped conviction himself for an alleged attempt to bribe a juror.

Whether guilty or not, Darrow left labor practice to devote himself to opposing the death penalty, which he felt to be in conflict with humanitarian progress. In more than 100 cases, Darrow only lost one murder case in Chicago. He became renowned for moving juries, even judges to tears with his eloquence. Despite scant education, Darrow had a keen intellect often shielded by his rumpled, unassuming appearance. Contrary to popular belief, he did not oppose religious principle, but the intolerance and ignorance preached by its more conservative practitioners, such as the Fundamentalists.

A story attributed to Darrow is his quip to a client, who, after winning, said, "How can I ever show my appreciation, Mr. Darrow?" Darrow replied, "Ever since the Phoenicians invented money, there has been only one answer to that question." However, Darrow's pursuit of wealth has been overstated by his detractors. Darrow often took on pro bono defendants who had no means to pay for their attorney.

During the 1924 Leopold-Loeb trial, when Darrow had supposedly accepted "a million-dollar defense," ordinary Americans were angered at their apparent betrayal. In truth, Darrow and his two co-counsels were given $100,000 to split three ways—after dunning the wealthy Loeb family for several months.

In 1925, he defended Ossian Sweet, a black doctor from Detroit, in the shooting death of a member of a white mob. The mob of at least a 1000 people had gathered outside Sweet's home to force him to move from the neighborhood. Darrow referred to the trial as one his best argued, closing with a legendary eight-hour impassioned closing argument which won acquittal for Dr. Sweet from the eleven-man jury, shocking the city.

After the 1925 Scopes Trial, Clarence Darrow largely retired from practice, emerging only occasionally to undertake cases, such as the 1934 Massey Murder Trial in Hawaii.

Darrow shared offices with Edgar Lee Masters, who achieved more fame for his poetry, in particular the Spoon River Anthology, than for his advocacy. Darrow also took Eugene V. Debs as a partner, following his release from prison.

Sidhuisms

2006-02-07T06:51:00.000-05:00

Politics has not blunted Navjot Singh Sidhu's edge. Rather, it seems to have set his brain on fire! The latest backlash by the Amritsar babu against Pakistan's Moin Khan proves it:

"Mad dogs keep barking at the elephant, but the king elephant does not bother about them at all."

The context was, obviously, one of several mind-games played by brainless former players who cannot let go of the limelight. Moin asserted in his recent Rediff column, that Tendulkar is fading into history. When the latter smashed a pretty quick century in the last one-day game against Pakistan, Sidhu's fire was stoked to the full.

Of course, we lost the match inspite of a 300+ total, thanks to some brainless middle- and lower-order batting that saw the loss of 5 wickets for next to nothing in return (the dreaded Duckworth-Lewis method intervened to thwart India this time). So let the Tendulkar-bashing begin. Wasn't this century again in a "losing cause"? Frankly, the media seems to be adept at creating the worst cliches. What exactly is a "losing cause"?! Does anyone work towards losing? Is it really a cause?

In-flight reading

2006-02-05T19:19:00.000-05:00

My favorite pastime on flights (long or short) is reading the in-flight sales catalogs. Most flights I have been on have one called SkyMall. The wares portrayed in these publications are typically grossly over-priced, but most of the "ideas" will stun you with the "creativity" of their "inventors".

My liberal sprinkling of quotation marks above must surely reveal my leanings on this issue. On a recent trip to Washington, DC, SkyMall had me rolling in the aisles with their selection of "must-have" gadgets and gee-gaws (a term I first heard uttered by Captain Haddock in the Tintin comic 'The Castafiore Emerald'). For example, there was an indoor ramp to allow your pet dog to get onto your sofa more easily. A similar product aimed at assisting dogs into cars. And I have to mention the man's organizer: a plain tray with a few dividers, to "store" keys, a cell phone and some change. Wow! table-tops seem to have become extinct now!

The next time you are on a plane and are bored out of your skull, turn immediately to SkyMall. I guarantee that it will be enough to fill the longest flight.

HOV: High Octane Ventures

2006-02-02T09:29:00.000-05:00

As a transportation engineer, my eyes seem to trap more news stories involving cars, trains and anything remotely related to this field. Here is an example: in a span of just a few days, I chanced upon two articles involving the misuse of HOV traffic lanes.

High Occupancy Vehicle lanes are specially marked highway lanes restricted to vehicles with at least two occupants. These lanes are usually identified by the series of diamond-shaped symbols painted along their length. The motivation for such an idea is simple: provide a lane with fewer vehicles (and thus less congestion), which could force more people to share cars to and from work. In essence, they can potentially reduce the number of cars on the road. Resulting benefits could be widespread, and include reductions in travel delays, fuel consumption, emissions and accidents.

One woman was recently arrested for driving all by herself in an HOV lane. When she was hauled to court, she defended her action by claiming that her yet-to-be-born child was the second occupant! The judge threw her case out, and forced her to cough up the fee.

In a second incident, a man in the HOV lane was caught by a patrolling police officer because he had a fully-clothed dummy in the seat next to him! The officer apparently observed this car over several days, and noticed the same guy (in the same clothes, too) riding along!

All of this reminds me of my friend's account of innovative sellers in Greece, who marketed a plain white T-shirt with a single black band going across it - to "simulate" a seat belt! The idea was to attract drivers who were averse to wearing them, but (obviously) did not want to get caught.

Zipping around in a Prius

2006-01-29T16:01:00.001-05:00

I am a happy Zipster. One of the many urban dwellers who are Zipcar members (visit http://www.zipcar.com). For a very nominal fee, we get to reserve cars online and pay $8.50 and up per hour. The concept is simple: our reservation is transmitted to the car, which locks and unlocks with personal magnetic zipcards. The keys to the car are always inside the vehicle. There are no extra mileage fees for the first 125 miles per reservation. The best part, however, is that the hourly fee includes fuel and insurance. Not to mention the free parking spot at the end of the trip!

Due to a combination of circumstances, I reserved a Toyota Prius for a few hours the other day. This is a hybrid car: one that uses both gasoline (petrol) and electric engines to power the transmission system. The Zipcar website indicated that the car had several unique features, and I decided to see for myself. Better to fiddle with the new gadgets now than later, when you are in a tearing hurry.

The car itself looks sleek, with a curved dome that replaces the more traditional boxy types. For a low roof, head room was not an issue (although I am six feet tall). The curved top did pose one problem, though. It cut off my field of view to the left and right of the car. As a result, I ended up having to crane my body and neck back and forth at every single traffic light, to make sure I was not about to run over a person or pet in the crosswalk. The dome is steeper in the back, but still manages to cut down significantly on what you can see in the rear-view mirror.

Some crucial notes for the occassional driver:

The gas pedal is practically invisible. I searched for about 5 minutes before blindly feeling for it with my foot. The brake pedal, on the other hand, is large and prominent. Safety first, perhaps?
The ignition "key" is a small plastic device that you stick directly into a slot on the dashboard. Looks like the key you get with modern cars, the one with the standard buttons to lock and unlock the doors. There is a "power" button on the dashboard that springs the engine into rumbling action.
The hand brake is akin to the ancient pedal on the left of the car. Again, when activated, the pedal is hard to find. They put in a footrest instead, which I foolishly pressed for 5-10 minutes to no avail. I had to pull over eventually and dig up the user manual from the glove compartment to figure out its location. After more feeling with my foot again, of course.
When you stop at a red light, the engine "dies"! Disconcerting, but all you need to do is push the gas pedal and it roars back to life.
All indicators are digital, including the transmission system and speedometer. There is a little joystick on the dashboard that allows you to select a mode (reverse, drive, neutral). When you release the joystick, it springs back to its original position. The dashboard, however, indicates what gear you chose.
There is a funky touch-sensitive LCD display that constantly shows you "important" graphic details like energy usage: how much power the transmission system is directing to the various wheels. This keeps changing every few seconds, and was a constant source of distraction.

I hear there is a long wait-list for people dying to own this new beast on the block. Word on the street is that some people who do own it are re-selling for profits! Is the car really this good?!

The car is not really cheap: it costs upwards of about $20,000. Up until 2005, the accompanying tax break (for polluting the environment less than regular gas cars) is in the form of a deduction, so it does not translate into 1:1 dollar savings. The incentive apparently may morph into a tax credit for 2006, though the details are yet to be finalized. A more detailed analysis will be required (taking into account the proposed usage level) to see if this will be a worthwhile investment in the long run. I'd try out a few other models first.

A more detailed technical analysis of hybrid vehicle technology can be found at the HowStuffWorks website.

Inertia

2006-01-28T20:58:00.000-05:00

Newton's third law of motion states that every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Comedian Steven Wright re-states this well-known truth in the context of today's technology-driven world:

A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a workstation... go figure!

Every attempt at work probably has this equal (if not greater) inertia taunting you to procrastinate!

Flying with Wadsworth

2006-01-28T20:22:00.000-05:00

The heights by great men reached and kept
were not attained by sudden flight,
For they while their companions slept,
were toiling upward in the night.

I came across the above quote only once, and ages ago, when I was merely some 6 or 7 years old. But human memory is a funny thing. I have written before about such clear recollections from my distant past, and had the urge to document this inspiring instance.

The famous lines by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow conjure for me an image of a soaring eagle or arctic tern. Or an albatross. I remember going across our housing complex in Madurai, to bungalow #3, to check out this new wall mural of the bird in flight. The couplet bounced off the waves beneath. I think the artist was around too.

I am not much into poetry, usually preferring the humorous prose of P. G. Wodehouse or the fast-paced action of Dan Brown. But these short words from a renowned source make me want to dig deeper into Wadsworth's other contributions. Maybe I will, some day...

The day Ozzie Osborne spoke to me

2006-01-28T12:34:00.000-05:00

I thought Ozzie Osborne was a TV serial.

I have known for a while that Ozzie was a "hit" TV series from decades long gone by. I even own a DVD with some of the episodes. I bought that item even after the checkout clerk at Microcenter gave me this incredulous look while he broadcast to the rest of the queue: "Are you really buying an Ozzie and Harriet DVD?!!!" I remember nodding vigorously, mumbling some excuse with averted eyes, and running out of the store (with the DVD) thinking about what monstrosity I was going to find on that disc. In my defense, I (a) had no clue about Ozzie back then, (b) paid less than $2 for it, and (c) am yet to even break it out of its shrink-wrap.

This morning, Google politely informed me that Ozzie (or Ozzy) Osborne is some sort of rock musician who looks like (s)he belongs in a horror movie.

My first phone call on a peaceful Saturday (today) is from my credit card company. Well, I believe it was a call center in India. There was no mistaking the accent of the caller, and the background noise as though he was calling me from some car assembly floor.

Patience! This is not another rant against jobs leaving the pristine shores of the US. Frankly, I have no problem with outsourcing. It is a by-product of capitalism. If the US wants to stick by its economic model, then it has to accept the cost-cutting basis that leads to outsourcing. And well, I'm Indian, too. But I got irritated when this Indian sitting far away in India actually said:

"Hello Mr. So-and-So. I am calling from XYZ Bank. You have a credit card account with us. My name is Ozzie Osborne."

I was immediately thrown off guard. Instead of paying attention to the insane "offer" he was about to force on me against my will, my mind wandered back to that unseen DVD and the secrets it still held. I was soon jerked back to reality when Ozzie started trying to verify my address and other details as confirmation of my participation in his scheme.

All attempts at getting out of the trap proved futile, but I put up a brave fight. Mr. Osborne eventually gave up. Quoting some "internal system error", he transferred me to his floor supervisor. Blank silence on the phone, when I was tempted to hang up. But there is still some goodness left in me inspite of more than six years of harrassment by the Ozzie-types. I held on, and was soon greeted by another Indian voice. More background shop-floor sound effects.

"Hi, my name is Mr. Mascarenhas."

This is when I finally hung up. Hadn't this joke gone too far? This is not the first time I have been faced with Indian sales agents giving out fake Anglicised names. If they lie about their identities, why should I believe their statements?

Maybe Americans do not want to call Dell Customer Service and be greeted with:

"Hi, welcome to Dell customer service. My name is Panchapakesan Venkatasubramanian Balakrishna Pillai. How may I help you?"

But there are Indian ways to shorten names. Why resort to Westernization? Could it also be possible that the jobs (such as Mr. Ozzie's) being outsourced are ones that nobody in America actually wants to have?

It's a bugged life!

2006-01-28T07:55:00.000-05:00

The US is caught up in the "warrantless wiretapping" debate at the moment. There are other topics in the boiling pot, but this one seems to be on top with a select few, such as the Judge Alito confirmation saga and Democrat senator John Kerry's promise to go for the filibuster that would block Alito. E-bugs, however, are not the only newsworthy insects today.

According to a CNN report, that ubiquitous food info label stating "added colors" is not as innocuous as it reads (I trust CNN to bring me the latest scandals and tripe that no self-respecting news channel would touch with the proverbial ten-foot pole). The red coloring that goes into a variety of everyday products (such as yoghurt, lipstick, ice cream and strawberry milk shake) probably comes from crushed bugs! The barely visible silver lining (at least according to the reporter) seems to be that the pigment and its source are as ancient as the Aztecs who discovered the dye.

The Food and Drug Administration is apprently going to require that such products include the terms "cochineal extract" and "carmine", which would indicate that you are just about to pay good money to smear bug-parts all over your face. Why not call a spade a spade, and label it with something more intuitive, like "may contain hairly insect legs and/or crushed beetles"?

So there goes my appetite for anything strawberry-flavored. Maybe I'll revert to making my own shakes at home now. Thankfully, I don't use any lipstick.

Starting over...

2006-01-28T07:31:00.000-05:00

This is not my first blog. Now before you go off thinking I have a whole blog-family of opinions sprouting around the web, let me clarify! I finally decided to post something on my (only) blog today, and found out I could not login anymore! Looks like my account "timed out" - the page is still accessible to the public, but I cannot get in and add stuff. Really vexing.

That's when I decided that a blog-brother would be in order. So here it is. I like the alliterative title I used for the old blog, and decided to use the same here for want of a more catchy heading. If you are interested in my rants from the past few years, do click here and enjoy as long as Rediff will keep it alive!